www.innerkiddies.com
Holding back, afraid, scarred and scared, survivors know what is like to be hurt often by those that should have protected them. Fear of loving becomes a habit, a survival tool like the SDB (Self-Defeating Behaviors) book I read years ago, I do mean many years ago. The book talked about getting into habits when we are children then using the same methods as adults, like using a garbage can lid for a shield, cute when kids are playing swords with sticks but kind of silly in a board room or PTA meeting. But the methods worked, it is hard to believe there is another choice. Ten years ago I started counseling. I wanted to learn how to communicate with my husband. I figured a few weeks and everything would be great. I had not the slightest clue as to the odyssey placed before me. My husband has stayed with me through two counselors and a lot of difficulties. He witnessed first hand the struggle I have of extending love in the present. I am still a work in progress. Connecting - engaging - opening my heart is an on going process. I recognize the importance of being patient with myself. I like the analogy of trying to open a bud before it is ready. Force the bud open and the petals will bruise and tear. Wait patiently for the bloom to open in its own time is rewarded with a magnificent flower.
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