PTSD crunches Christmas

Guilt on top of all the other stresses makes Christmas one of the most dreaded times of the year for some people.  The Facebook page encourages sharing their information.  PTSD effects many people.  Holiday parties and end of the year changes, even happy ones, can totally disrupt routines and other defenses built by PTSD survivors.  Expectations, real or imagined, pours on the pressure sometimes to breaking point.  If you love someone with PTSD, reassure them often, even over things that were discussed and supposedly resolved.

Love Our Vets - PTSD Family Support

PTSD and Seasonal Stress: Just the mention of the holidays and winter can send chills up our spines. Along with guilt because this should be the most wonderful time of the year… or so they say. Unfortunately, those who deal with the relentless demands of PTSD are especially vulnerable this time of year. Stormy weather, darkness, cold, threatening power outages, holiday hooplahs, excessive special events, family stresses, increased financial pressures, trauma anniversaries, overloaded schedules, lack of exercise, more crowds, less space, emotional upheavals, etc…. None of which are helpful to PTSD survivors and their loved ones. So since we cannot fast-forward to spring, how do we best make it through these colder, darker, difficult days? The following are some tips that have helped both me and my husband, a 100% disabled veteran with PTSD, during times of seasonal stress. Keep in mind that although secondarily impacted, we as loved ones are just as vulnerable to the triggers and effects as those with the PTSD. 

1. Be aware of your triggers. What circumstances (and people) cause your PTSD symptoms to increase? Learn to recognize your symptoms as well as what triggers them. Some typical signs of triggering are flashbacks, avoidance, numbing, putting up walls, withdrawing, hyper-vigilance, irritability, easily startled, memory blocks, sudden bursts of anger or other emotions, difficulty sleeping, nightmares, fear, depression, anxiety, substance abuse and other additive behaviors, difficulty holding a job, relationship problems, and suicidal thoughts. 

2. Stay tuned to your body’s warning signals. Listen to your body. Learn to trust it. Does that headache, or indigestion, or grinding teeth mean anything? 

3. Do all you can to stay safe and healthy. Each of us is a choice maker. Although PTSD can be tyrannical at times, ultimately we have the power to choose what is best for us in the long run. Keeping our bodies feeling safe is crucial to surviving the PTSD onslaughts. And not giving in to destructive behaviors will pay off, not only for us but for those we love. 

4. Surround yourself with good support. Who are the people who are helpful (not the leech type)? Reach out to others who are supportive. No one needs to be alone! If you have no support, please check out website for options of local groups and online support. LoveOurVets.org 

5. Remember you can’t keep everyone happy. Surprise! (I’m just now learning this!) Plan to disappoint a few people if necessary in order to save your own sanity. Do try, however, to be polite if possible. Learning to say “No, thank you” graciously comes with practice. 

6. Be good to you. Take time to do what you need and want. This is no longer a luxury but a necessity. In the book LOVE OUR VETS: Restoring Hope for Families of Veterans with PTSD, the entire middle section is devoted to caring for our own needs. Do you even know what you really NEED? Perhaps a light box to perk up the dark days, your favorite music, a new winter activity/sport, tastier cuisine, afternoon naps, indoor exercise, a canine companion, etc. And don’t forget to pause during the chaos to give thanks for all the blessings you DO have. You are worth it!<3 

7. Call for extra support if needed. The courage to reach out for help when needed is truly admirable. The alternative is not the answer. There are people waiting to talk with you 24/7 any time. No one can do this alone. Chaplain John Prater (641) 275-0390 or (515) 699-5463 1-800-273-8255 Veteran’s Crisis Hotline There is no need to dread the days ahead. Stay connected with those who are good for you, and take care of YOU. One day, one moment at a time. It will be spring before you know it! (And then we will be probably be moaning about pulling weeds, mowing grass, and sunburn!)  Welby From my blog on LoveOurVets.org 

From Facebook

Christmas Love

First time I saw this story it came in my email.  I really miss the stories that used to be passed around in emails.  Now, I just get a whole bunch of advertisement.  Facebook has pictures and I can search for Christmas stories but I probably would have never found this on my own.  Enjoy.

The "W" in Christmas

Each December, I vowed to make Christmas a calm and peaceful experience.

I had cut back on nonessential obligations - extensive card writing, endless baking, decorating, and even overspending.

Yet still, I found myself exhausted, unable to appreciate the precious family moments, and of course, the true meaning of Christmas.

My son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten that year. It was an exciting season for a six year old.

For weeks, he'd been memorizing songs for his school's "Winter Pageant."

I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd be working the night of the production. Unwilling to miss his shining moment, I spoke with his teacher. She assured me there'd be a dress rehearsal the morning of the presentation.

All parents unable to attend that evening were welcome to come then.

Fortunately, Nicholas seemed happy with the compromise.

So, the morning of the dress rehearsal, I filed in ten minutes early, found a spot on the cafeteria floor and sat down. Around the room, I saw several other parents quietly scampering to their seats. As I waited, the students were led into the room. Each class, accompanied by their teacher, sat cross-legged on the floor. Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform their song.

Because the public school system had long stopped referring to the holiday as "Christmas," I didn't expect anything other than fun, commercial entertainment songs of reindeer, Santa Claus, snowflakes and good cheer.

So, when my son's class rose to sing, "Christmas Love," I was slightly taken aback by its bold title.

Nicholas was aglow, as were all of his classmates, adorned in fuzzy mittens, red sweaters, and bright snow caps upon their heads.

Those in the front row- center stage - held up large letters, one by one, to spell out the title of the song.

As the class would sing "C is for Christmas," a child would hold up the letter C. Then, "H is for Happy," and on and on, until each child holding up his portion had presented the complete message, "Christmas Love."

The performance was going smoothly, until suddenly, we noticed her; a small, quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter "M" upside down - totally unaware her letter "M" appeared as a "W".

The audience of 1st through 6th graders snickered at this little one's mistake. But she had no idea they were laughing at her, so she stood tall, proudly holding her "W".

Although many teachers tried to shush the children, the laughter continued until the last letter was raised, and we all saw it together.

A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen.

In that instant, we understood the reason we were there, why we celebrated the holiday in the first place, why even in the chaos, there was a purpose for our festivities.

For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and clear:

"C H R I S T W A S L O V E"

And He still is.

Amazed in His presence....humbled by His love.

Many years later

Yesterday's poem by Sir Francis Drake was written in 1577

Greg Olsen has a different vision of a conversation with Christ written in 2007:
http://www.gregolsen.com/walk-with-me-9519
Another location is on Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151856450528137&set=a.10150727339213137.394481.38599663136&type=1&theater

His poem is copy righted and so is his picture.  Both are amazing, so I am posting links to share this amazing artists.  I discovered that I could get it at a fairly reasonable price at this web site.  Right posting it here will give me the link. 

Already distrubed, sounds dangerous to pray for more

Disturb us Lord,
When we are too pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us Lord,
When with the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst for the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us Lord,
To dare more boldly,
To venture on wilder seas,
Where storms will show Your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.

We ask you to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push back the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.

This we ask in the name of our Captain,
Who is Jesus Christ.

Prayer of Francis Drake, 1577
http://danielkolenda.com/2010/05/26/a-dangerous-prayer-disturb-us-lord/

Survival does not leave much room for daring or dreaming or abundance or venture.....storms yes, all that other stuff Not-A-Chance.  I didn't feel liked I mastered any storm...my visual was more of a cork tossed in a stormy sea. 

Do you have room?

Judy introduces me to many blogs that have thought provoking and interesting posts.

http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/12/09/do-you-have-room-for-the-savior/

As I watched the video and listened to the beautiful singing I remembered an email I received years ago.  I found a copy by a simple search.

One day, a man went to visit a church. He arrived early, parked his car, and got out. Another car pulled up near him, and the driver told him, "I always park there. You took my place!"

The visitor went inside for Sunday school, found an empty seat, and sat down. A young lady from the church approached him and stated, "That's my seat! You took my place!" The visitor was somewhat distressed by this rude welcome, but said nothing.

After Sunday school, the visitor went into the church sanctuary and sat down. Another member walked up to him and said, "That's where I always sit. You took my place!" The visitor was even more troubled by this treatment, but still said nothing.

Later, as the congregation was praying for Christ to dwell among them, the visitor stood, and his appearance began to change. Horrible scars became visible on his hands and on his sandaled feet. Someone from the congregation noticed him and called out, "What happened to you?"

The visitor replied, "I took your place."

http://www.sermonsearch.com/sermon-outlines/24592/he-took-my-place/



Another story I heard, most likely an urban legend but made me think.

A woman entered a crowded elevator at a mall during before Christmas.  In exasperation she muttered under her breath, "Whoever started this mess ought to be shot."  A quiet voice in the back answered, "Don't worry, He was crucified."  

The hustle and bustle of running around creating a perfect memories for Christmas sometimes steals away the very thing trying to be created.  I took my to do list and crossed off many items, not because I did them but because I need to feel more peace.  I am feeling calmer.  I also made a difficult decision and felt the peace of knowing what I need to do next. 

I believe in angels..... ABBA I have a dream.

O Christmas Tree

Tonight we picked out our Christmas tree.  We went to Lowe's picked up a tree still wrapped in the string and still felt fresh.  Had the end trimmed and we were heading out the door in just a few minutes.  We put the tree up in the living room and sat cuddled on the couch.  We reminisced about past trees and Christmases.  One of the nicest things about going through the counseling process is now being able to remember the good fun memories that used to be clouded and hidden by rotten memories.  Not only do I free my present self, I also unshackle access to lovely memories.