The other part that is consuming time, energy and pushing me way out of my comfort zone is visiting my mother after hip replacement surgery. I stop and visit on my way home from work. I am trying to use my training from Early Childhood Education and observe what she does and say. I am also doing a bit of research on Alzheimers. People are saying mother's behavior is caused by old age and possibly Alzheimers.
I am accepting that my confusion is, to me, she isn't acting any differently then she has for the last 50 or so years. The main difference is now she treats everybody like she treated Judy and I. She still has her favorite nurses that get effusive thanks and praise and the scapegoats that are blamed for her discomfort, usually female physical therapists. I am a piece of furniture or a person to order about. If she doesn't like the conversation she is too deaf to continue. But sometimes she talks so softly I can barely hear her. Some conversations make no sense then the next time I talk to her, the past conversation never happened. Same as I've always known. I am struggling with accepting this is simply the devastation of old age. To me she would have had Alzyheimers in her 40's.
What I learned that I think is helpful-
Top five tips
- Try not to take behaviors personally.
- Remain patient and calm.
- Explore pain as a trigger.
- Don't argue or try to convince.
Accept behaviors as a reality of the disease and try to work through it.
Read more: http://www.alz.org/care/alzhei
Basically what I learned with the help of counseling....her behavior is not about me. Whether it is a disease eating away her brain or maggoty fears triggering her behavior, it is still not about me. Interesting how this knowledge takes a burden off my shoulders.....all she is, not about me. I can't change her, fix her, or make things better. Daily I remind myself, her choices and behavior are not about me, ever.
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