I fell asleep last night before writing today's blog. I woke up this morning with ideas swirling through my head. It is the last day of 2013. Other bloggers expressed their opinions of the ending of the year, some are happy to see it go and others are looking eagerly forward to next year. As I worked out, I thought how 20 years ago there was no way I could have done this workout routine. I still can't do the whole video; I need to modify it a bit. A few months ago, I tried to keep up with the exercise guru and ended up injuring my arm. It took months to heal completely. My effort to keep up on someone else's agenda did nothing for them and I only hurt myself in the process. It was a none too gentle reminder to start where I am. 20 years ago, a good day....I got up. A fantastic day, I got up and got dressed. I started where I was at and determined to improve myself. Where I am now is way different than where I was then.
I have a wonderful friend that I admire. We share some similar challenges. The last time we visited she was lamenting that she was not where I am today. I don't think I succeeded in explaining to her that I was never where she was. I am where I am because though we are similar in many ways our paths are still quite different. I admire her progress. I admire her determination. I admire her kindness. In her desire to improve herself she missed how awesome she is. I hope every reader can take a moment sometime today and celebrate where they are right now. Recognize their amazing strength. Recognize their own worth. Recognize that a desire to improve does not mean they are not amazing right now, moving from a position of power and strength to greater power and strength. For so long, I only saw myself as a useless slug that couldn't pull my weight. I didn't see the tons of rocks in my backpack that I was carrying everyday. I didn't know I was fighting my past without even knowing what it was. I used to call it my 'shadow warrior.' It could knock me out but I didn't know what it was. The 'shadow warrior' has a name PTSD. The rocks were unpacked with the help of my counselors. I am recognizing I was not a slug not carrying my weight but a mighty ant carrying 10 times my weight. Putting the load down frees up time and energy to move in a new direction. Today, right now, I am amazing. I thought of the little girl in the video:
I wonder where she is today? Does she still have that attitude of she is amazing, living an amazing life? Life can really beat us up. Feeling down and out makes it really difficult to look in the mirror and say, "I love myself." I am the best one to play me. I don't do well playing someone else. I remembered one of my favorite Einstein Quotes:
Albert Einstein — 'Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.'Today I am going to think about how far I have come and I am in a place of power and strength that I have never known before.
Happy New Year everyone.