Another distortion that forgiveness means reconciliation. My counselor taught me that forgiveness is the first step in reconciliation but only opens the process to the possibility. If the other person is unwilling to respect me, I have no obligation to reconcile with them after I forgive them.
I was accused of holding a grudge against my mother for past events. Not true. I have no problem with what she did in the past. However, she continues to disrespect my boundaries, lie about me, and generally not a safe person now. Not worried about past events, I am taking responsibility to protect myself in the present. I understand that she was hurt in her childhood. I also understand that she chose not to do the difficult work of processing that hurt. Now, she lashes out when feeling pressured and I was her favorite target. I moved out of harms way. I am sad I can't have a closer relationship but you get a clue when you come to visit and she leaves within 5 minutes of my arrival. I joked that I could clear my parents house in less then 15 minutes. Then I actually timed it. Five minutes was all it takes. I have no grudge against my mother. I feel sad that things are not different. I am under no illusion she will do anything different than she always done. I keep my distance because I care about me. I am worth protecting. I don't deserve to be dismissed, manipulated, and used. I pray for her and let Christ heal her wounds.
|Spines are a protection from predators.|