Wednesday, October 17, 2018

Took a long break

What did I learn?  I felt I was neglecting my responsibility to share what I know.  I fought long and hard and learned a few things that I think are helpful to others.  I miss sharing my progress.  (Very narcissistic of me.)  But the deal is, I don't know everything.  Sharing then others add their two bits or what they learn and I grow from the experience.  I felt like I was spinning my wheels but I actually made some awesome progress. 

At my job, I watched it morph over the last few years until I didn't feel like I was doing my job any more.  This has happened in other jobs I had.  The jobs morphed so much I would never apply for what they were having me do later.  The catch, each semester I sign a document saying I am doing my original job.  Kind of tough when people higher up try to change things without the OK of those overseeing the funding.  I made an appointment.  Appropriately shared my concerns then let them come up with a solution.  I pointed out that the wrestling match going on was way above my pay grade.  I learned today that they are going to have me going back to what I was hired to do.  I am so impressed it worked. 

This week I took a class on using circle discussions for a group.  It is fairly formal but I was astounded at what we ended up sharing.  Let me rephrase that, I was astounded at what I ended up sharing.  I opened up to a group of people that normally they are doing good if I say hi to them.  The whole peopling thing can be exhausting for me.  I was impressed.  I believe this would be a great way to discuss issues in families, classroom or work places.  I don't believe it would be easy but I do think it would be worth it to open channels of communication over time.  It is not a once and done project. A bit formal but with healthy boundaries and creating a feeling of safety sharing becomes fairly open. 

How are you all doing?  Baby steps and cha-cha's both make progress.  Falling flat on our face moves you forward too.  Hugs and cheers and glad to be back. 

   Inching along

Monday, October 8, 2018

Call of the Void

I was shocked to find out there is an actual name for these random weird thoughts that I have ZERO desire to act on but traipse through my brain uninvited and quickly escorted out.  I call the deep dark depression that ruled my life for many years, "The Void."  It makes sense to me now that someone posted that it exists as a description for others.  
I can't give credit to where this came from because the person posting it is in a by invitation only group.  Looking up the information on Call of the void, French brought up several links sharing the same information.  Random bits of information that may or may not be helpful.  

Have a good day.  

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

Pointed in the right direction

Today was a good day.  Sometimes I just need to be pointed in the right direction. 

Tuesday, October 2, 2018

Current events

******Rant ahead - Proceed with caution. ******

I don't often respond to controversial current events because I learned long ago that my perspective is out of step with most and ridiculed by others.  I haven't written for awhile because this post is just boiling my brain and I was trying to avoid writing anything about it.  My thoughts popped up in a comment and a flood of rage followed.  Containing that rage was my first mission.  I think I am ready to say what I want to say.

A few years ago, an individual, my boss, hated me and his response was a smear campaign accusing me of things that never happened with zero evidence.  In defending myself I looked unreasonable and the more I denied the allegations the more they implied my denial was proof that I did what he said I did.  The smear campaign worked, I lost my job because of a vindictive person with no proof.  In the current events, statutes of limitations are long past.  Who he is now is totally lost in the cesspool of accusations.  I don't know who is lying and who is telling the truth.  I know how it feels to have my named smeared with no proof.  It is devastating on so many levels. Anger rages and people point out that so much denial must mean there was some truth in all the mess.  I feel deep sympathy for the gentleman.  My feelings about the lady are negative, extremely negative.  Her purposes are quite clear to smear his name and reputation.  I actually am terrified that someone from my past will come forward with accusations and swearing I did wrong.  I am so far from what I was it would be painful to have my past used to hurt me again.

Humans screw up.  Sometimes badly.  However, to me, it is more important what they learned and who they became.  Focusing only on the past does not allow a person to be who they have become.  I'm sad that such tactics were used.  It hurts more people than it helps.  Imperfect people run this Nation and every other nation because we are imperfect.  I dread election years because it seems to bring out the very worse then we have to vote for one.  Heavy sigh.  I pray for all involved especially his children.

Wednesday, September 26, 2018


I love my friends on Facebook that share cool stuff.  It is a post about judging others with a short video.

I work at a school where it is real easy to slip into the mode of thinking I am better.... These kids are amazing.  They are working against tough odds.  My goal this year is to make my presence a positive event.

Tuesday, September 25, 2018


I did not grow up with the feeling of peace.  Tension oozed from the woodwork.  Any peace attempt to enter in was exited out within moments.  So if I am seeking peace and I have no idea what it looks or feels like, how will I know if I found it?

Michael is an amazing poet and art photographer.  He blends amazing pictures with beautiful words.  Somedays he shares beautiful words and the pictures created in my mind from his inspiration are amazing.  He agreed that I could share his perspective of peace....

As I sit here dealing with my sprained knee, I came across some old writings of mine from back in the day. This one caused quite a stir online and offline about 12 years ago. CNN had an "arts corner" that it was featured on, and it was recited on a number of other television and radio programs. The resultant storm of recognition caused me to retreat even further into the woods.......
I am the warm gentle breeze
To cleanse ravaged land,
Where foe is now friend
That walk hand in hand.
I am the glory of dawn
O'er bloody red fields.
I am the force that descends
To bring all wars to heel.
I am the rest of the warrior
The calmer of rage.
I am the carillon call of the
Strong and the Brave.
I am the song of cathedral bells
Heard clear 'cross the land.
I am the tears of the mother
In clutch of son's hand.
I am the prayer of the child
For God safe to keep.
I am the sweetness of rest
For the weary to sleep.
I am the light from the darkness
The path through the fire.
I am the glorious wind
Of all earthly desire.
I am the steadfast resolve
Flag proudly unfurled.
I am the heart lit afire
The hope of the world.
I am the covenant foretold
To the lost and the weak.
I am the strength of salvation
In the solace they seek.
I am the voice of the millions
Whom liberty calls.
I am the trumpets lament
Of the last man to fall.
I am the yearn of the haunted
The white dove serene.
I am relief from the madness
The maker of dreams.
I am the promised tomorrow.
The tears of relief.
As she runs to your arms,
Behold....I Am Peace.

Thank you Michael.