Warning this post is a rant.....if you are in a place today that reading my rant is not helpful to you, skip this post. Hug a friend or a pet, watch a favorite movie....storms pass, sun still shines behind the clouds. I put the rant below the picture.
I thought I was over feeling bugged by people doubting my version of my childhood. I'm not. I started seeing a new counselor, she asked me if someone believes what I was telling her. At the time I calmly answered, "Yes, my first counselor and my sister." There are a lot more besides that, like the 12 jurors that put him in prison, but I realized in thinking it over and over that this counselor doesn't believe me. I was terribly depressed yesterday, and binged on chocolate last night. Yes, if I get enough chocolate it will do a chemical magic that I actually do feel better. I also slept on the couch with a light on and had a rough night sleep. People don't want to believe that people exist that chose evil. Chose to intentionally harm as many people as possible. People that want to see others surfer and revel in that suffering. People that purposely pick children to torment because they feel bigger and stronger. Bullies that are looking for victims not a fight. People don't want to believe that mothers and fathers exist that set out to destroy their own offspring through their own cruelty. Best trick of the century is the world trying to say no evil exists. Harry Potter movie the Sorcerer's Stone portrays this with Voldermorts statement.
"There is no good and evil, there is only power...and those too weak to seek it."
People make excuses for abusers for example, "They didn't know they were hurting you." "They had a hard life." "They don't know any better." Shit, shit and more shit......yea sometimes I have done things that I didn't recognize harmed someone else. When I realized, I apologized. Having a hard life does not excuse poor behavior. Every morning I wake up and can choose today how I will behave. They don't know better because it is convenient not to learn anything else. Filled with pride and seething with resentment shuts down the mind to where no learning can occur. Yea, the crap in my life really happened. Nobody can make me deny it because it is uncomfortable for them.