Making an Angry Bird

Yup, really.  I just finished stuffing the body of a crocheted Angry Bird.  It actually looks like the picture.  (Shocker)  I am thankful for crocheting as a creative outlet that I am feeling like I can explore.  A big Thank YOU!!! to Mikey at The Crochet Crowd.  https://thecrochetcrowd.com/ He is an amazing teacher of all things crochet.  (He does knitting to but I don't knit.)  I am getting braver and trying more and more exotic stitches in his Stitch Alongs.  Thanks to my daughter for introducing me to Stitch alongs and in the process meeting Mikey online.  He has no idea who I am but that is ok because he patiently explains what to do when I make a mistake, why it is important to make test swatches, and challenges me to try new stuff.  He is one of my Super Hero people that make my life more interesting and creative.  Thank goodness for Black Friday Shopping that reduces the cost of yarn.  Interesting side note: I can't use wool yarn.  My hands start to itch like crazy.  I can pet a sheep but yarn is processed in some way that my skin reacts.  Thank goodness for amazing bamboo, cotton, and new types of soft and silky acrylics.  One of my coping techniques is crochet.  Mostly I do wash cloths that I can easily take to a waiting room, meeting, or other places that are challenging for me to hang out at. I give away my finished projects.  I release my stress and someone else enjoys the by product. 

My first stitch-a-long.  

Not adulting

I am not adulting.  I am not doing the lists of things I should be doing.  I am playing games.  I am ignoring the should-dos in my life.  Simplest things are left undone.  I am doing great on my computer games, just adult stuff is not happening.  I hurt my back/leg/or something on the right side of my body.  I did nothing to help it get better.  I need to setup doctor appointments...not doing that either.  This is self care I should be doing....ate most of the batch of cookies in less than 24 hours.  Heavy sigh.  So what did I do?  I actually finished several projects.  Some I finished ahead of time so have time to add to the project.  I am contacting people and talking to people and included in a parent/teacher conference.  I am Peopling and that is tough.  It was fun to reassure a parent with the student sitting right their that frustration is normal for programming and we (the teacher and I) recognize the work he accomplished.  I thought after integration and counseling and all the work I've done that all this stuff would get easier.  It didn't.  I had a mini melt down and had to stay home from school just because I don't have a mailing address for Heaven so I could send Halloween cards to all my Grandkids.  It seemed so ridiculous on the surface but the reality is years later I am still grieving my little granddaughter that I only held for a moment. Grief, sadness, tears are all part of healing.  Before I started healing, I didn't feel these things.  I shut them away with joy, happiness and every other emotion.  I am not ready to adult tomorrow either but I need to go to work.  Sometimes getting up and going through the motions of living is all I can pull off.  Guess what?  That is just fine.  Feeling feelings is important work even if it requires me not being an adult for a bit. 

Finished this for my grandson....it represents the Earth with the innercore with rocks and lava and waves of water with plants on the surface, Mikey on TheCrochetCrowd.com was my teacher...

Long break

I believe this is one of the longest breaks I have taken from writing this blog.  I am not totally sure why I have other than I am feeling like I slid down a rabbit hole and the only symptoms are my lack of interest in writing, photography, reading and generally anything that I felt connected to from my healing process.  I'm intrigued but not totally dismayed.  My first counselor predicted that someday I would want to walk away from my past and everything to do with my healing process.  Then something happens and I am reminded no matter how far I walk my past comes with me.  I did achieve one of my goals.  August 2014 I wrote a post about Dave Pelzer and his books.  http://weareone-ruth.blogspot.com/2014/08/acceptance.html

His answer was etched on my heart as a goal to achieve, he said, "I like the man I am today and I would not be that man without those experiences." 

I believe I achieved that goal.  I am now working on giving to Christ the lingering bitterness and hurt that seeps out from time to time.  I notice when event anniversaries pass and I still feel an impact like a mild jolt.  I am working towards those anniversaries just being another day. 

So now what?  The interesting thing about achieving long sought after goals, when they are achieved there is a spell of thinking, now what?  I noticed this same feeling after graduating from university after many grueling years of juggling family, work and school.  Ending counseling was another such feeling of now what?  No one seems to explain what do you do when you finally achieve those allusive, long worked for goals.  I made it this far, now what?

Brain Breaks

Understood.org is an awesome web page that address specific childhood challenges.  It also has great general coping ideas that work for adults too.  I noticed lately that I am struggling with concentration, choosing healthy activities and generally in a major slump.  I understand why I am feeling what I am feeling.  I also recognize that I am making poor coping choices.  This article shares a variety ideas to help kids focus on homework.  I think these same ideas may help me to focus on what I need to do.  I learned through the years that adults and children are not as different as we want to believe.  Anyone met their inner child, which explained why you were sitting a blanket fort coloring instead of going to work? 


https://www.understood.org/en/school-learning/learning-at-home/homework-study-skills/brain-breaks-what-you-need-to-know

Sometimes I am done with adulting before my daily expectations are done.  Sometimes I make poor choices to escape rather than do the tough adult type stuff.  Hugs to everyone that understands. 

Minions in a package.  

I would rather play with my dragon right now.  

Our power

My friend Michael posted this on Facebook.  I am passing it on here.  The hardest thing for me to reclaim was my personal power, I gave it up so young I didn't know what it was. 

“Some years ago, I was stuck on a crosstown bus in New York City during rush hour. Traffic was barely moving. The bus was filled with cold, tired people who were deeply irritated—with one another; with the rainy, sleety weather; with the world itself. Two men barked at each other about a shove that might or might not have been intentional. A pregnant woman got on, and nobody offered her a seat. Rage was in the air; no mercy would be found here.
But as the bus approached Seventh Avenue, the driver got on the intercom. “Folks,” he said, “I know you’ve had a rough day and you’re frustrated. I can’t do anything about the weather or traffic, but here’s what I can do. As each one of you gets off the bus, I will reach out my hand to you. As you walk by, drop your troubles into the palm of my hand, okay? Don’t take your problems home to your families tonight—just leave ‘em with me. My route goes right by the Hudson River, and when I drive by there later, I’ll open the window and throw your troubles in the water. Sound good?”
It was as if a spell had lifted. Everyone burst out laughing. Faces gleamed with surprised delight. People who’d been pretending for the past hour not to notice each other’s existence were suddenly grinning at each other like, is this guy serious?
Oh, he was serious.
At the next stop—just as promised—the driver reached out his hand, palm up, and waited. One by one, all the exiting commuters placed their hand just above his and mimed the gesture of dropping something into his palm. Some people laughed as they did this, some had tears streaming down their face—but everyone did it. The driver repeated the same lovely ritual at the next stop, too. And the next. All the way to the river.
We live in a hard world, my friends. Sometimes it’s extra difficult to be a human being. Sometimes you have a bad day. Sometimes you have a bad day that lasts for several years. You struggle and fail. You lose jobs, money, friends, faith, and love. You witness horrible events unfolding in the news, and you become fearful and withdrawn. There are times when everything seems cloaked in darkness. You long for the light but don’t know where to find it.
But what if you are the light? What if you’re the very agent of illumination that a dark situation begs for?
That’s what this bus driver taught me—that anyone can be the light, at any moment. This guy wasn’t some big power player. He wasn’t a spiritual leader. He wasn’t some media-savvy “influencer.” He was a bus driver—one of society’s most invisible workers. But he possessed real power, and he used it beautifully for our benefit.
When life feels especially grim, or when I feel particularly powerless in the face of the world’s troubles, I think of this man and ask myself, What can I do, right now, to be the light? Of course, I can’t personally end all wars, or solve global warming, or transform vexing people into entirely different creatures. I definitely can’t control traffic. But I do have some influence on everyone I brush up against, even if we never speak or learn each other’s name. How we behave matters because within human society everything is contagious—sadness and anger, yes, but also patience and generosity. Which means we all have more influence than we realize.
No matter who you are, or where you are, or how mundane or tough your situation may seem, I believe you can illuminate your world. In fact, I believe this is the only way the world will ever be illuminated—one bright act of grace at a time, all the way to the river.“
– Elizabeth Gilbert

Beginnings are tough

I am excited about beginnings but they are tough.  The starting of a new school year means many many adjustments.  Throw in a medical procedure that is the adult thing to do just messes with the rest of me.  Good news from both.  My teachers are awesome and the medical report says I am improving.  I'm delighted. 

Just for fun I am posting what my friend shared on Facebook.....some of these have been around for eons.  Enjoy.....please note, I do not agree 100% of these statements.  May need to do a debunking post. 

Advice From An Old Farmer
Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
If you love someone tell them, every chance you get.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.Words that soak into your ears are whispered… not yelled.Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.Sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand. Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.You cannot unsay a cruel word.Every path has a few puddles.The best sermons are lived, not preached.Don’t judge folks by their relatives.Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.Live a good, honorable life… Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.Don‘t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t bothering you none.Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’. (One of my favorites.)Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around..Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.