Peace.
It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or
hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm
in your heart. www.innerkiddies.com
Lest we forget....
The human mind is designed to forget. Tragedies happen to everyone at sometime...to someone everyday. The tragedy of Pearl Harbor is all but forgotten. Columbine is used to compare yesterdays tragedy but hardly anyone remembers their name. Twin towers memorial serves as a reminder to the fateful day in September but people already forget about the planes that crashed into the Pentagon and into a field in Pennsylvania. The students I work with were only 3 and 4 years old at the time. September 11 had little meaning for them. My sister resented me for acting as if nothing happened in our childhood. When I entered counseling I talked about how totally my mind was wiped clean of past events, she was stunned to realize I acted as if nothing happened because in my mind it hadn't. She attempted to talk to me about one of our shared memory and stopped talking when I nearly passed out from the distress of not remembering. These events happen again and again. People run around screaming we need more laws and more control, yet countries such as Norway also suffered terribly from people choosing to harm others as their means of protest. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2011_Norway_attacks Such world events remind us that more laws and greater control has little meaning for those desiring to harm others. I listened to a speech given by a young man whose friend was shot and killed in England and there was no one there to stop them. The criminals were the ones with the guns for they cared nothing for the laws. I can not control the person that chooses to harm others. I can not assume that because the person that harms children is considered insane; does not mean that every mentally ill person will harm children. I remembered my past, I can not change it. I can only change myself and learn from what I now know. I hold to my memories not to torture myself with past events but as remembrance and learning. Taking time to embrace those I love. Taking time to listen to children and grandchildren. Taking a moment to stop on a busy street to let a waiting car turn into traffic. To patiently wait for the elderly lady to find all the coins she needs for payment. Or just for fun toss in a quarter myself to speed her on her way. Tragedies will strike. As long as human exist, bad things will happen, that will not change. What I do with each experience is where I can make a difference. Am I kinder and more compassionate? Do I show my loved ones everyday that I love them? Am I grateful for the life I am living right now? I use such tragedies to gauge myself, am I being the person I want to be right now? Lest I forget...
God of our fathers, known of old—
Lord of our far-flung battle line—
Beneath whose awful hand we hold
Dominion over palm and pine—
Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,
Lest we forget—lest we forget!
The tumult and the shouting dies—
The Captains and the Kings depart—
Still stands Thine ancient sacrifice,
An humble and a contrite heart.
Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,
Lest we forget—lest we forget!
Far-called our navies melt away—
On dune and headland sinks the fire—
Lo, all our pomp of yesterday
Is one with Nineveh and Tyre!
Judge of the Nations, spare us yet,
Lest we forget—lest we forget!
If, drunk with sight of power, we loose
Wild tongues that have not Thee in awe—
Such boastings as the Gentiles use,
Or lesser breeds without the Law—
Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,
Lest we forget—lest we forget!
For heathen heart that puts her trust
In reeking tube and iron shard—
All valiant dust that builds on dust,
And guarding calls not Thee to guard.
For frantic boast and foolish word,
Thy Mercy on Thy People, Lord!
Amen.
Rudyard Kipling
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Recessional_%28poem%29
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Friday, December 14, 2012
Time flies
First: Nobody can manage time. But you can manage those things that take up your time.
Second: Time is expensive. As a matter of fact, 80 percent of our day is spent on those things or those people that only bring us two percent of our results.
Third: Time is perishable. It cannot be saved for later use.
Fourth: Time is measurable. Everybody has the same amount of time...pauper or king. It is not how much time you have; it is how much you use.
Fifth: Time is irreplaceable. We never make back time once it is gone.
Sixth: Time is a priority. You have enough time for anything in the world, so long as it ranks high enough among your priorities.
From Simple Things
Decorating the Christmas tree, a tradition loaded with memories. My MIL called trees I created Hodge-podge trees since there's a little bit of everything. I call my trees memories. This year I included the paper cup bells made by my children. Up in my craft room are makings for our grandkids to make their own paper cup bells. DH and I placed all these precious memories on our tree. Time slipped away as I remember that when we were first married I only bought plastic ornaments so that our little children could help us decorate the tree each year. I wasn't afraid to have those ornaments within hands reach of little people. Connecting with my feelings it was a love fest of remembering beautiful Christmas pasts. Remembering the year we bought the Christmas tree for a $1 on Christmas eve. Remembering the tube wars. Where each person had two empty tubes from wrapping paper and we had sword fights. Anyone could quit by dropping their tubes. They were soft and rapidly telescoped into long pieces of card board and lots of laughter. The ornament for our German shepherd dog that stayed with us through many moves and died years ago....but still missed. Ornament representing getting married just before Christmas. Ornaments made by my MIL. Ornaments made by children and friends. Memories collected, loving placed in box to be brought out for Christmas. Reconnecting my emotions, decorating our Christmas tree and remembering all the love is an awesome reward for a lot of painful work. Remembering with love was my goal for counseling. Amazing to know I reached my goal. Embrace the joy.
 |
| A little bit of everything.....adding the icicles today. |
 |
| You can guess how old this ornament is... |
 |
| All plastic ornaments that our kids put on the tree. |
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Take a break then move forward again....
"It is our choices...that show what we
truly are, far more than our abilities"
- J. K. Rowling
Choices - day after day and moment by moment make up the mosaic of our lives. I notice that when I work very hard on emotional healing I get to the point where I need to take a break or sit back and evaluate where I am at. After a break, even a short one, I am ready to move forward again. I am tackling suggestions on how to promote a positive self-concept in children. I am reviewing then rewriting each one to help me parent myself and create an atmosphere to gain a positive self-concept about myself. To review number 8:
Now, how can I rewrite this to turn it into a way for me to parent myself and improve my self-concept? When I feel something I need to first identify what the emotion is. Some emotions are hiding another emotion behind it. Anger often fronts fear, hurt or frustration. Identifying anger isn't enough for me to identify the emotion that is triggering the anger. So I take a leaf out of the stuff NewCounselor taught me to "sit" with an emotion. The final step is the hardest for me is finding acceptable avenues for releasing emotion. I will tackle these steps a little at a time. I don't need to do everything today. I am also hoping you, the readers to share your ideas on what you do to help with emotional situations.
truly are, far more than our abilities"
- J. K. Rowling
Choices - day after day and moment by moment make up the mosaic of our lives. I notice that when I work very hard on emotional healing I get to the point where I need to take a break or sit back and evaluate where I am at. After a break, even a short one, I am ready to move forward again. I am tackling suggestions on how to promote a positive self-concept in children. I am reviewing then rewriting each one to help me parent myself and create an atmosphere to gain a positive self-concept about myself. To review number 8:
8. Helping children to understand their feelings. Talk about the feelings the child is experiencing and give it a name. Encourage them to find acceptable avenues for releasing emotions.
Now, how can I rewrite this to turn it into a way for me to parent myself and improve my self-concept? When I feel something I need to first identify what the emotion is. Some emotions are hiding another emotion behind it. Anger often fronts fear, hurt or frustration. Identifying anger isn't enough for me to identify the emotion that is triggering the anger. So I take a leaf out of the stuff NewCounselor taught me to "sit" with an emotion. The final step is the hardest for me is finding acceptable avenues for releasing emotion. I will tackle these steps a little at a time. I don't need to do everything today. I am also hoping you, the readers to share your ideas on what you do to help with emotional situations.
 |
| Waiting for a perfect day to get going... |
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
I am still laughing
This was sent to me years ago when email was still used for passing the latest jokes instead of all the advertisement that now pelts my box. If it is copyrighted somewhere and who ever owns the copyright I will gladly take it off my page. Snopes says it is an urban legend but I am totally OK with that. Have fun....
Fw: This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinner. This won first prize.
Christmas With Louise
As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking his list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on my sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Walmart! I had to go to an adult book store downtown. WARNING......If you've never been in a X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like "What does this do?", "You're kidding me!", and "Who would buy that?"
Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck, so I could use the carpool lane during rush hour. Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry.
I settled on 'Lovable Louise." She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination. On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan, and let me into her home during the wee morning hours, long after Santa
Claus had come and gone. I filled the dangling panty hose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. Then, I went home, and giggled for a several hours.
The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house, and left a present that had made him VERY happy. But it had left the dog rather confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner .
My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked. My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll." "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but quickly decided to keep my mouth shut.
"Where are her clothes?" Granny continued. "Boy, that turkey sure smells good, Granny," Jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but why would I?
It was Christmas, and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, Hang on!"
My grandfather, a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she was Jay's friend A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting with her. It was then that we all realized
this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died (or was dying), and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom every morning. Then she lurched right out of the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa.
The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation to the limp doll. My brother fell backwards over his chair and wet his pants, and Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and went to sit in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember. Later in my mother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health.
Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. And, I think Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the home.
Fw: This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinner. This won first prize.
Christmas With Louise
As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking his list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on my sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Walmart! I had to go to an adult book store downtown. WARNING......If you've never been in a X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like "What does this do?", "You're kidding me!", and "Who would buy that?"
Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck, so I could use the carpool lane during rush hour. Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry.
I settled on 'Lovable Louise." She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination. On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan, and let me into her home during the wee morning hours, long after Santa
Claus had come and gone. I filled the dangling panty hose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. Then, I went home, and giggled for a several hours.
The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house, and left a present that had made him VERY happy. But it had left the dog rather confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner .
My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked. My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll." "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but quickly decided to keep my mouth shut.
"Where are her clothes?" Granny continued. "Boy, that turkey sure smells good, Granny," Jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but why would I?
It was Christmas, and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, Hang on!"
My grandfather, a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she was Jay's friend A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting with her. It was then that we all realized
this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died (or was dying), and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom every morning. Then she lurched right out of the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa.
The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation to the limp doll. My brother fell backwards over his chair and wet his pants, and Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and went to sit in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember. Later in my mother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health.
Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. And, I think Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the home.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Own it
Success isn't how far you got, but the
distance you traveled from
where you started.
- Proverb
Click Here For Success Tip # 076
Living Authentically, http://www.livingauthentically.org/, has a message that goes straight to my Inbox. Weekly check in with myself with how authentically am I living right now. This week he discusses the journey that each of us are on and suggests checking in to see where you are right now on your journey. I am struggling right now. Writing about Miss C's suggestions for raising a child with a positive self-concept has kind of a one-two punch affect. First, it was not how I was raised and second, it was not how I raised my kids. I made some improvements but realizing my own mistakes was one of the toughest parts of counseling. However, now, I do know better and I want to parent myself and give myself the nurturing I need and deserve.
I was interested that the first emotion KavinCoach worked at reconnecting was anger. Anger is one of those primal emotions. If anyone ever heard a pissed off new born crying, you know what I mean. I noticed with raising my own kids that somewhere in their first few weeks of living a baby seems to realize that they came here to Earth and were crammed into an itty-bitty body that doesn't work. They scream and changing, feeding and comforting does nothing to calm them down. They are pissed and the whole world is going to know about it. Pure undiluted rage exudes from this little bundle of pissed off. Yup, KavinCoach worked at pissing me off. He succeeded. I still remember the first time he really succeeded in pissing me off. The following week I brought flowers for his wife. Flowers for his wife as a reward for not killing him. He laughed and said, "They are hate flowers." No sympathy flowers. He then worked for the next 45 minutes to get me to say, "I am angry with you." I started with, "You made me mad." Nope that was not good enough. If he made me mad then he was in control. I had to name and own that emotion. I danced, weaved and dodged trying to be a good person and not be angry. He wanted me to be angry and name it. Name it and own it. That was an exhausting 45 minutes the first time of naming an emotion and owning it to be my reaction to his behavior. I was raised with "You made me mad." "It is your fault I am screaming at you." "If you would just do what you were told, I wouldn't be so angry." I was raised with being the all powerful being that caused my mother to be angry. I questioned KavinCoach with why it was so important to own my emotion. His reply tilted my world, as long as I give credit to someone else for an emotion, then I can not control that emotion. He was trying to empower me. If I own my feelings, then I can control them. This was difficult for me to grasp because I felt like I controlled my emotions by dissociating from them but the reality was they are like viruses and go into a dormant state. Then when conditions are just right, they come back full blown and totally unchanged. Dissociating does not resolve or control my emotions, it just puts them out of reach. Dissociating is a form of denial of my emotions existence. My talent for not getting angry was a sham....a smoke and mirror trick that crumbled that day in his office when I brought flowers for his wife.
distance you traveled from
where you started.
- Proverb
Click Here For Success Tip # 076
Living Authentically, http://www.livingauthentically.org/, has a message that goes straight to my Inbox. Weekly check in with myself with how authentically am I living right now. This week he discusses the journey that each of us are on and suggests checking in to see where you are right now on your journey. I am struggling right now. Writing about Miss C's suggestions for raising a child with a positive self-concept has kind of a one-two punch affect. First, it was not how I was raised and second, it was not how I raised my kids. I made some improvements but realizing my own mistakes was one of the toughest parts of counseling. However, now, I do know better and I want to parent myself and give myself the nurturing I need and deserve.
I was interested that the first emotion KavinCoach worked at reconnecting was anger. Anger is one of those primal emotions. If anyone ever heard a pissed off new born crying, you know what I mean. I noticed with raising my own kids that somewhere in their first few weeks of living a baby seems to realize that they came here to Earth and were crammed into an itty-bitty body that doesn't work. They scream and changing, feeding and comforting does nothing to calm them down. They are pissed and the whole world is going to know about it. Pure undiluted rage exudes from this little bundle of pissed off. Yup, KavinCoach worked at pissing me off. He succeeded. I still remember the first time he really succeeded in pissing me off. The following week I brought flowers for his wife. Flowers for his wife as a reward for not killing him. He laughed and said, "They are hate flowers." No sympathy flowers. He then worked for the next 45 minutes to get me to say, "I am angry with you." I started with, "You made me mad." Nope that was not good enough. If he made me mad then he was in control. I had to name and own that emotion. I danced, weaved and dodged trying to be a good person and not be angry. He wanted me to be angry and name it. Name it and own it. That was an exhausting 45 minutes the first time of naming an emotion and owning it to be my reaction to his behavior. I was raised with "You made me mad." "It is your fault I am screaming at you." "If you would just do what you were told, I wouldn't be so angry." I was raised with being the all powerful being that caused my mother to be angry. I questioned KavinCoach with why it was so important to own my emotion. His reply tilted my world, as long as I give credit to someone else for an emotion, then I can not control that emotion. He was trying to empower me. If I own my feelings, then I can control them. This was difficult for me to grasp because I felt like I controlled my emotions by dissociating from them but the reality was they are like viruses and go into a dormant state. Then when conditions are just right, they come back full blown and totally unchanged. Dissociating does not resolve or control my emotions, it just puts them out of reach. Dissociating is a form of denial of my emotions existence. My talent for not getting angry was a sham....a smoke and mirror trick that crumbled that day in his office when I brought flowers for his wife.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Inner Peace
Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions. Danish Ahmed's photo.
Unlocking emotions is a slow process. What was interesting to me was that the first emotion KavinCoach worked on getting me to feel was anger. This started in the very earliest sessions. It took a few weeks for KavinCoach to get me to talk to him about anything other than my intended expectations to learn how to communicate better. I didn't talk about my past because I didn't remember. I didn't talk about my past to anyone; I wasn't picking on KavinCoach. I noticed in the sessions that when he talked to me I sometimes felt upset but I would make the emotion disappear. I remember during one session he had said somethings that were really starting to upset me. I knew I was there to get help and to me anger would not be helpful. I don't remember exactly what we were talking about but KavinCoach suddenly blurted out, "Where did it go?" I was totally bewildered by his out burst. I asked him, "Where did what go?"
"You were getting angry," he pointed out.
I agreed with him.
"But now you are not angry. You are not suppressing your anger, there is no tension in your face. The emotion is totally gone."
I agreed again. I explained that I felt since he was trying to help me it wasn't fair to get upset. He finally revealed he was trying to get me to be angry. He then asked a question that at the time I thought was just rhetorical but later I realized he might actually want to know, "How do you do that?"
I didn't understand that my ability to make anger or any other emotion vanish was unusual. I thought anybody could, so I felt puzzled by people claiming doing something because they were in the grips of an emotion. I felt some emotions so I didn't feel like there was no emotion at all but I had a much higher level of dissociation. As a teenager, my hero was Mr. Spock from Star Trek. I felt that his totally logical approach to everything made sense. Through a series of life experiences I put more and more distance between me and my emotions. From the time I was a teenager until I started counseling, I could count on one hand the number of times I had cried. Now, I value those that can cry and share their emotion. I work at being able to control my emotions rather than dissociating on auto-pilot. By eliminating anger, I eliminated my ability to reach the emotions behind the anger. So those emotions festered and fermented into a boiling mass that was finally unmasked under KavinCoach's vigilance to get me to feel what I feel.
Unlocking emotions is a slow process. What was interesting to me was that the first emotion KavinCoach worked on getting me to feel was anger. This started in the very earliest sessions. It took a few weeks for KavinCoach to get me to talk to him about anything other than my intended expectations to learn how to communicate better. I didn't talk about my past because I didn't remember. I didn't talk about my past to anyone; I wasn't picking on KavinCoach. I noticed in the sessions that when he talked to me I sometimes felt upset but I would make the emotion disappear. I remember during one session he had said somethings that were really starting to upset me. I knew I was there to get help and to me anger would not be helpful. I don't remember exactly what we were talking about but KavinCoach suddenly blurted out, "Where did it go?" I was totally bewildered by his out burst. I asked him, "Where did what go?"
"You were getting angry," he pointed out.
I agreed with him.
"But now you are not angry. You are not suppressing your anger, there is no tension in your face. The emotion is totally gone."
I agreed again. I explained that I felt since he was trying to help me it wasn't fair to get upset. He finally revealed he was trying to get me to be angry. He then asked a question that at the time I thought was just rhetorical but later I realized he might actually want to know, "How do you do that?"
I didn't understand that my ability to make anger or any other emotion vanish was unusual. I thought anybody could, so I felt puzzled by people claiming doing something because they were in the grips of an emotion. I felt some emotions so I didn't feel like there was no emotion at all but I had a much higher level of dissociation. As a teenager, my hero was Mr. Spock from Star Trek. I felt that his totally logical approach to everything made sense. Through a series of life experiences I put more and more distance between me and my emotions. From the time I was a teenager until I started counseling, I could count on one hand the number of times I had cried. Now, I value those that can cry and share their emotion. I work at being able to control my emotions rather than dissociating on auto-pilot. By eliminating anger, I eliminated my ability to reach the emotions behind the anger. So those emotions festered and fermented into a boiling mass that was finally unmasked under KavinCoach's vigilance to get me to feel what I feel.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)