distance you traveled from
where you started.
- Proverb
Click Here For Success Tip # 076
Living Authentically, http://www.livingauthentically.org/, has a message that goes straight to my Inbox. Weekly check in with myself with how authentically am I living right now. This week he discusses the journey that each of us are on and suggests checking in to see where you are right now on your journey. I am struggling right now. Writing about Miss C's suggestions for raising a child with a positive self-concept has kind of a one-two punch affect. First, it was not how I was raised and second, it was not how I raised my kids. I made some improvements but realizing my own mistakes was one of the toughest parts of counseling. However, now, I do know better and I want to parent myself and give myself the nurturing I need and deserve.
I was interested that the first emotion KavinCoach worked at reconnecting was anger. Anger is one of those primal emotions. If anyone ever heard a pissed off new born crying, you know what I mean. I noticed with raising my own kids that somewhere in their first few weeks of living a baby seems to realize that they came here to Earth and were crammed into an itty-bitty body that doesn't work. They scream and changing, feeding and comforting does nothing to calm them down. They are pissed and the whole world is going to know about it. Pure undiluted rage exudes from this little bundle of pissed off. Yup, KavinCoach worked at pissing me off. He succeeded. I still remember the first time he really succeeded in pissing me off. The following week I brought flowers for his wife. Flowers for his wife as a reward for not killing him. He laughed and said, "They are hate flowers." No sympathy flowers. He then worked for the next 45 minutes to get me to say, "I am angry with you." I started with, "You made me mad." Nope that was not good enough. If he made me mad then he was in control. I had to name and own that emotion. I danced, weaved and dodged trying to be a good person and not be angry. He wanted me to be angry and name it. Name it and own it. That was an exhausting 45 minutes the first time of naming an emotion and owning it to be my reaction to his behavior. I was raised with "You made me mad." "It is your fault I am screaming at you." "If you would just do what you were told, I wouldn't be so angry." I was raised with being the all powerful being that caused my mother to be angry. I questioned KavinCoach with why it was so important to own my emotion. His reply tilted my world, as long as I give credit to someone else for an emotion, then I can not control that emotion. He was trying to empower me. If I own my feelings, then I can control them. This was difficult for me to grasp because I felt like I controlled my emotions by dissociating from them but the reality was they are like viruses and go into a dormant state. Then when conditions are just right, they come back full blown and totally unchanged. Dissociating does not resolve or control my emotions, it just puts them out of reach. Dissociating is a form of denial of my emotions existence. My talent for not getting angry was a sham....a smoke and mirror trick that crumbled that day in his office when I brought flowers for his wife.
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