Tuesday, March 27, 2018

What I wish families and friends knew....

I am continuing with the questions I was asked by a young man writing a report about DID.  My story is one of complexity and triumph but there were many difficult days that were made harder because family and friends didn't understand how complex my life was and still is. 

What do you think spouses, friends, and/or supportive family members should know about DID?

Fast answer: I'm not lying.  The different personalities have different perspectives and different pieces of information.  For me, no one of my parts had all the information.  So I could say things that were contradictory because each was true from a certain perspective. 

Thought about it:

Please listen to all of me.  For most of my life I didn’t know what was happening.  My sister shared with me that she would tell me the same thing over and over and I would act like it was new information.  What neither one of us realized, it was new information to the one she was talking to.  Imagine for a moment that you lived in a house with multiple rooms with no door ways or windows.  I would pop into a room and have that set of information and nothing else.  Things that caused switches for me were going from work to home or my parents house or church or it could be an event or a reaction.  Counseling helped me to first put windows so I could see into one room while still being in another.  Then I eventually put in door ways and I could navigate through all of me any time I wanted.  The house with rooms is a good metaphor for how everybody functions because each person does behave differently at work, school, with some friends, family and many other situations.  The key is that a person is aware they behave differently in each place.  I didn’t know.  The biggest change I felt since integrating is now I do know, like everyone else.  I also remember what it was like not to know. 

I’m not going to hurt anyone if I can possible help it.  In the light of recent events with shootings and marches this is important.  There is enough suffering in this World without adding to it.  I am not going to grab a gun and start shooting people up.  Sadly, media will claim a person is mentally ill when they go on a shooting spree but they don’t have actual documentation this is true.  Seems like no one wants to accept that sane people do evil things.

I want what every one wants to be accepted for who I am.  I am a bit quirky, OK some people will say a lot quirky. I really am a nice person.  I want to help others.  I care about people being happy.  I feel sad when they feel sad.  I can’t always show what I feel, please, accept that if I don’t respond in the way you expect me to doesn’t mean I don’t feel an emotional response.  I just don’t always have the words to share or the ability to connect with another person. 

My theme song as I healed is from Westside Story...

There's a place for us,
Somewhere a place for us.
Peace and quiet and open air
Wait for us
Somewhere.


Book I found helpful that helped me understand more:
Multiple Personality Disorder from the Inside Out, Barry M. Cohen; Esther Giller; Lynn W. (Editor), The Sidran Press, Lutherville, MD, 1991. ISBN: 0-9629164-0-4 
If I read only this book, it would give me more information than all the other books combined. I felt this book, written by multiples for multiples and their families, was key to my understanding how many challenges I face everyday, and a variety of suggestions to make life better.

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