Reminder to self

Ruthless Compassion Institute's 

What can bring you closer to happiness? For starters, the awareness that happiness isn't a static state but rather, a fluctuating, flowing set of emotions & experiences. Then, consciousness, as it brings you empowerment & choice; mental & emotional flexibility, as you're able to let go of people, things, attitudes, emotions & beliefs that don't serve you; the ability to give & receive love & feel connected to other living beings; taking responsibility for yourself & your life; choosing to be a contributer to society rather than an endless consumer; knowing that more & more isn't better; knowing that the quick & easy solution is the false one; knowing that love can't be bought or sold; letting go of guilt, shame, duty & obligation; being able to laugh at life & at yourself & practicing ruthless compassion toward yourself & others.

Sometimes I put reminders to myself in my posts and then save them for when I need to remember lessons learned, words of encouragement or reminders of how to pick up pieces and begin again...and again...and again.  Depression and PTSD just keep on giving.  The way to beat it is to "Never, never, never Give up." Reminder from Winston Churchill, he knew about living through bleak times. 

Under-Committed

Revelations 3:15-16

 15 I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.

 16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.

I struggle with the whole concept of New Year Resolutions so I thought about this a lot this week.  I considered different possibilities. I wondered over my own inability to make progress on some goals and the weird let down feeling I have when a goal is accomplished.  One of the things I did learn from several sources is when I am overwhelmed with too many things to do then I am Under-Committed to what I am doing.  Many people say they are over-committed but in my understanding the opposite is true.  The Olympics are coming up.  Those athletes are committed to training their bodies to meet their Olympic aspirations.  Those that take on other activities besides their dedicated goal of excellence often find themselves eliminated early in the proceedings.  I notice about myself that when I chose to dedicate myself to loosing weight by exercise and changing my diet, the weight came off.  However, when I was distracted by the holidays, socializing and my own emotional unrest it was much harder.  I had a goal not to gain weight over Christmas...I didn't, however, I did gain weight the week after Christmas.  Heavy sigh.  I wasn't committed to keeping the weight off permanently.  In all the commotion of the holidays, I was under-committed to keeping myself health.  I was only lukewarm about the idea of maintaining my new weight.  I looked up 'RESOLUTION' From the internet definition "a firm decision to do or not to do something."  The reason I always heard the tinkling sound of broken resolutions within a few weeks was I was under-committed to my "FIRM" decision.  I was only lukewarm.  It wasn't a deciding factor in my daily choices.  Under-committed, lukewarm, any way I look at it STANDING FIRM is what I am missing in my decision process of where I need to go with my life.  

I am always amazed that when I pray about a struggle I am having, an answer comes from sources I sometimes don't expect.  This suggestion came from Vic Magary's email (Vic is a health advocate and I get emails from him on suggestions for improving my physical health):  http://jamesclear.com/goals-systems

Forget about setting goals and focus on the system needed to get there.  The thing I decided I needed to do this year was a day-to-day routine that works for me.  I tried FLYLady Flylady.net but was quickly discouraged when her 15 minutes to clean the house ballooned into 2 hours.  This was not my goal.  Everything I read on PTSD emphasizes a need for regular routines.  But I don't stand firm on what I need to do.  I get overwhelmed by expectations from others.  There was a time in my life that meeting the expectations of others was a matter of survival and the people making those demands were not reasonable people.  No negotiation. No consideration for my needs.  No option.  When they said jump, by damn, I had better jump.  I learned to perform like a dancing monkey but when I became captain of my own ship, I didn't know how to set a course, how to stay the course, and how to chart into new waters when I arrived at a destination. The slump for me after meeting a major goal was, "Now what?"  That Nirvana of reaching a goal just wasn't there for me.  (Nirvana: a state or place of great happiness and peace)  

I realized several things:

1.  Often the goal wasn't my goal in the first place.  It was 'suggested' or commanded by someone else.

2.  I don't prioritize my needs as important.

3.  I allow others to dictate to me how I spend my time. 

4.  I don't allow myself the necessary processing time of thinking and considering...I am expected to look busy all the time.  

5.  I let someone else dictate to me what is important.  (On my job, I do need to follow my boss's lead as to what is important....but my boss isn't my boss when I go home.)

6.  I am under-committed to the things I say are important to me.

7.  I don't listen to my own heart....harder still, I don't trust what it has to say.

I am shaping my views of what I plan to do for this next year.  I have a lot of possibilities just from this one list.  Standing firm I believe will be the theme for January.  I am thankful for prayer and the suggestions that come to me when I open my heart to possibilities.  

Goal: a bridge

Over view

Structure

 

Before and After

Before Christmas there are visions of sugar plums dancing in my head....after Christmas the sugar plum fairy trades her toe shoes in for tenny runners - 1....2....3 ZUMBA.  I didn't gain weight over Christmas but I did over New Years.  I reviewed the week and realized, I got the results I deserve.  How could after Christmas be worse than before Christmas?  Let me tell you.


After Christmas, I felt triumphant that I didn't gain weight over Christmas....I felt I deserved to relax....DH went on a cleaning frenzy and pulled me into it....I didn't say no.....I felt I deserved a break from recording what I ate e v e r y day...I felt the shortening of time until I had to go back to work....I go back to work on Monday....I ate enough on Thursday that my normal 400 calorie lunch ballooned to 900 calories of feeling over full....after stress crash.  Yup. I earned the weight I gained.  However, I examined my attitude, my behavior, my reactions, my feelings, and recognize that there is a lot more going on.  I felt deprived...this is one of the mega monster triggers that set off a whole range of unreasonable behaviors.  I was searching for comfort at the bottom of a popcorn bowl.  I didn't find comfort but I found extra pounds.  Heavy sigh.  I recognize all the things I didn't do for myself.  All the times I didn't stick to my healthy choices in eating or emotional self care.  I didn't recognize that I was spiralling down faster than I thought.  The scales this morning put the breaks on the nose dive.  I feel like there is a cartoon character screaming in my head pull up before I smash into the ground...next challenge - PULL UP.  Don't splat.  Choose healthy.  Email MyCounselor.  Go work out.  Breathe.....Breathing is good.

Humor lifts the human heart

http://downtowndevil.com/2013/09/19/47784/david-jacobson-humor-therapy-project-humanities/

I came across this article and plopped it on one of my posts to be used later.  Today is later.  I was amused that they said this was new information that humor can help heal the body from illness.  Funny, I read the same information in Anatomy of an Illness by Norman Counsins copy righted 1979. www.amazon.com/Anatomy-Illness-Perceived-Twentieth-Anniversary/dp/0393326845

I love humor.  I find funny things everywhere.  Oddities that strike me funny.  I used to get Reader's Digest and I went through the magazine reading all the humor pages.  I laughed when I was at a show in Laughlin, Nevada, the comedian included jokes I just read the month before in Reader's Digest.  In my collection of books that I bought from the school as a teenager, included several joke books.  I laughed when I got the computer tip that the tragedy of loosing a hard drives is because that was where they stored all their jokes.  Emails used to be funny, now mostly a bunch of advertisement.  Now, I enjoy jokes on Facebook.  Funny ones are passed on quickly because I figure that laughter shared is laughter multiplied.  Humor is very subjective.  Humor for me may not be funny to someone else.  However, when I do get together with someone that shares my twisted sense of humor, laughter abounds.

Laughter comes to my aid when tears are not far away.  I remember talking to my professor that encouraged me to write my book that is linked at the bottom of this page.  I was laughing about some situation.  He looked at me very concerned, "This is really painful, why are you laughing about it?"  I thought for a minute and replied, "I can laugh or cry about this, I prefer laughing."  Over and over again I look for the funny in a situation.

video about contagious laughter
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=320_1324102172
http://www.listentolaughter.com/people/a-tiny-little-film/

I was talking to my friend about laughter and she told me that there are laughter clubs.   Yup, I looked it up and here is one of the links.  http://www.laughteryoga.org/english

Hmmm Hmmm  What do I have here? 

Eye popping view

Ever watch a toddler play with one of these?

Doubt is a vulture?

http://theprojectbyjudy.wordpress.com/2013/12/19/new-perspective-on-doubt/ Judy shares this link....
http://nhwn.wordpress.com/2013/12/17/befriending-doubt/


When my sister writes, I tend to listen. She and her fellow blogger both wrote about the doubt that plagues writers.  Did I use the right word?  Did I phrase it in an understandable way?  I don't believe I am much of a writer other than this blog.  But doubt plagues me anyway.  Now, here is the interesting thing.  Doubt is much nicer now that I can remember what happened yesterday and the day before.  I can sometimes say, with conviction, these are the events on this or that occasion.  Other times I doubt myself with no feeling of conviction on anything.  Am I choosing the best goals for myself?  Is setting aside this project the right thing to do right now?  Are my pictures good enough?  This gets even harder when Doubts buddy Criticism moves into the picture.  For years, I used Criticism as a self check to see if what I am doing is the right thing to do.  Unfortunately, Criticism became so corrosive I didn't trust myself at all.  Criticism and Doubt need to be balanced with a belief in myself and courage.  Courage wouldn't be needed if everything is going smoothly.  Courage steps up and says, "Hey, Doubt, back off, I have things to do and you are slowing me way down."  Courage also looks Criticism right in the eye and replies, "I considered that possibility but I am heading in this direction for now."  I experienced the one-two punch delivered by Doubt and Criticism.  I didn't believe in myself at all and Courage didn't live at my house.  This is changing.  I am looking at this new year thinking, "The best is yet to come."  Courage is nudging me in the ribs with a quiet voice, "Buckle up Buttercup, we are in for a wild ride." 

2014 Theme

The Best is Yet to Come....

Or for a more likely year, "Buckle up  Buttercup, we're in for a wild ride."

I took most of today off from exercising, cleaning, and worrying.  I focused on projects I want finished, watching the Rose Bowl Parade, and visiting/texting with kids and grandkids. 

I thought about writing a post and nothing seemed quite right.  Then tonight on Facebook, my daughter posed the question, "What words or phrases should be eliminated in 2014?"  I couldn't think of just one...a bunch came popping to mind...

That's impossible...
I can't.....
I have to......
I don't have time....
I am just not good at that....

Then as I sat there, I thought this year 'The Best is Yet to Come.' This is a statement I am embracing this year.  Another friend posted her status and I thought about her up coming year with many changes for her...that is when I popped up with "Buckle up Buttercup, we're in for a wild ride."  I also know that no matter what goal I set, someone else will set a harder one.  (Another friend posted their daily exercise schedule.  What he is doing in a day would take a month for me to do.)  With my statement of yesterday I am going to start where I am.  My book that is below, I have a page about blooming where I am planted.  I actually have quite a collection of precarious places plants grow.  Did you know that a plant can split a rock?  A tiny crack, a bit of dust and a little rain can help a plant get started....sinking hairy roots into the crack seeking water and nourishment.  The roots function like a wedge, sliding into the rock then thickening and growing pushing pressure on the weak places until it creates a spot for itself to bloom.  I found a niche for me to grow in.  I am gaining strength and nourishment.  I am learning about thriving.  I am healthier, happier, and stronger than any other time in my life.  This year 'The Best is Yet to Come.'


In celebration of the Rose Bowl parade I attended 2 years ago:

 

Dawning of a New Year:

 

Tenacious: