Under-Committed

Revelations 3:15-16

 15 I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.

 16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.

I struggle with the whole concept of New Year Resolutions so I thought about this a lot this week.  I considered different possibilities. I wondered over my own inability to make progress on some goals and the weird let down feeling I have when a goal is accomplished.  One of the things I did learn from several sources is when I am overwhelmed with too many things to do then I am Under-Committed to what I am doing.  Many people say they are over-committed but in my understanding the opposite is true.  The Olympics are coming up.  Those athletes are committed to training their bodies to meet their Olympic aspirations.  Those that take on other activities besides their dedicated goal of excellence often find themselves eliminated early in the proceedings.  I notice about myself that when I chose to dedicate myself to loosing weight by exercise and changing my diet, the weight came off.  However, when I was distracted by the holidays, socializing and my own emotional unrest it was much harder.  I had a goal not to gain weight over Christmas...I didn't, however, I did gain weight the week after Christmas.  Heavy sigh.  I wasn't committed to keeping the weight off permanently.  In all the commotion of the holidays, I was under-committed to keeping myself health.  I was only lukewarm about the idea of maintaining my new weight.  I looked up 'RESOLUTION' From the internet definition "a firm decision to do or not to do something."  The reason I always heard the tinkling sound of broken resolutions within a few weeks was I was under-committed to my "FIRM" decision.  I was only lukewarm.  It wasn't a deciding factor in my daily choices.  Under-committed, lukewarm, any way I look at it STANDING FIRM is what I am missing in my decision process of where I need to go with my life.  

I am always amazed that when I pray about a struggle I am having, an answer comes from sources I sometimes don't expect.  This suggestion came from Vic Magary's email (Vic is a health advocate and I get emails from him on suggestions for improving my physical health):  http://jamesclear.com/goals-systems

Forget about setting goals and focus on the system needed to get there.  The thing I decided I needed to do this year was a day-to-day routine that works for me.  I tried FLYLady Flylady.net but was quickly discouraged when her 15 minutes to clean the house ballooned into 2 hours.  This was not my goal.  Everything I read on PTSD emphasizes a need for regular routines.  But I don't stand firm on what I need to do.  I get overwhelmed by expectations from others.  There was a time in my life that meeting the expectations of others was a matter of survival and the people making those demands were not reasonable people.  No negotiation. No consideration for my needs.  No option.  When they said jump, by damn, I had better jump.  I learned to perform like a dancing monkey but when I became captain of my own ship, I didn't know how to set a course, how to stay the course, and how to chart into new waters when I arrived at a destination. The slump for me after meeting a major goal was, "Now what?"  That Nirvana of reaching a goal just wasn't there for me.  (Nirvana: a state or place of great happiness and peace)  

I realized several things:

1.  Often the goal wasn't my goal in the first place.  It was 'suggested' or commanded by someone else.

2.  I don't prioritize my needs as important.

3.  I allow others to dictate to me how I spend my time. 

4.  I don't allow myself the necessary processing time of thinking and considering...I am expected to look busy all the time.  

5.  I let someone else dictate to me what is important.  (On my job, I do need to follow my boss's lead as to what is important....but my boss isn't my boss when I go home.)

6.  I am under-committed to the things I say are important to me.

7.  I don't listen to my own heart....harder still, I don't trust what it has to say.

I am shaping my views of what I plan to do for this next year.  I have a lot of possibilities just from this one list.  Standing firm I believe will be the theme for January.  I am thankful for prayer and the suggestions that come to me when I open my heart to possibilities.  

Goal: a bridge

Over view

Structure