Off the Naughty List?

Should I get anger off the Naughty List?

http://theprojectbyjudy.wordpress.com/2013/12/09/posts-on-anger

My sister and I seem to be on the same page this week.

This week I had a melt down and exploded at my husband.  What he did was not apparently offensive, where my mind was at, if he breathed would cause an explosion.  I was a temper-tantrum looking for a place to happen.  Most of what I have done was self-inflicted.  I agreed to things that I shouldn't have, I put myself under added pressure, and allowed myself to get sucked into looking over my shoulder instead of focusing on today and where I need to go.  The anger was a monster red flag that I was NOT where I needed to be emotionally.  I will say right now that 'I was angry so I.....'   fill in the blank with some destructive action, is not a get out of free card.  Just because I am angry doesn't mean I can behave how I like.  Anger by itself however may not be as naughty as I thought.  Can you imagine 'good' anger?  I think I would have felt really good if my parents had been angry with my abuser rather than waffling and saying they didn't like him any way.  It was pure bull shit, they went water skiing with the man's family.  A little anger would have shown that they believed me and that they were on my side.  I believe that anger is appropriate when we find out someone is abusing a child or an animal.  I think anger is an appropriate reaction to bullying, abuse and other hurtful situations.  I was raised in a home of peace at all cost.  Never be angry.  I was told how I was worse for getting angry that my brother hit me than his behavior of hitting me.  Yup, I was punished for being outraged at getting hit.  How screwed up is that?  I will agree that uncontrolled anger, unresolved smoldering anger, and many other forms of anger can be down right lethal to body and peace of mind.  Hence, the articles.

http://touchstonez.com/2013/12/03/six-steps-to-stop-screaming-and-start-parenting-mindfully/

This article addresses anger from the stand point of getting angry with her children.  She addresses 6 steps.
1. Allow anger
2. Think loving thoughts about her children
3. Examine Expectations
4. Meet her needs
5. Use 'I' statements to express needs
6. Learn from the experience

These steps sound similar to what MyCounselor taught me when I am processing any emotion.
1. Sit with my emotion...allow myself to feel what I am feeling without acting on it...Feel it, explore it, examine why I feel what I am feeling.
2. Recognize that those close to me are probably not the cause. Look at them with loving thoughts, include myself in those loving thoughts.
3. Think about and analyze what I was doing just before the feeling started.  What about the situation triggered the feeling?
4.  Think about how I am going to choose to behave. Emotions may influence my choice but let my mind as well as my emotions be involved in that choice.
5.  Own what I am feeling.  My feelings are really all about me and I need to recognize and address what I need.  I also need to recognize that the other person may not be willing or able to meet my needs.
6.  Learn from the experience.

Yup there are a lot of similarities between the two chain of thoughts.  Easy to write about, not so easy to follow through when I am in the middle of feeling a powerful emotion like anger.  I don't believe in acting on every impulse generated by anger, however, I do believe feeling and processing anger is absolutely essential.  It took getting really anger to explode me out of the rut of tolerating abuse.  Without anger, I may have stayed lock in victim mode for many more years.  KavinCoach used my own anger as a wedge to get me to open up about how I felt about many things.  I am not totally sold on anger being off the naughty list but I am thankful I learned that it has a rightful place as a giant red flag that a boundary was crossed somewhere.