Sunday, June 5, 2016

TW on Forgiveness

TW shared an awesome comment that I don't want people to miss.  Thanks TW

It's not about "holding grudges," "failing to forgive," "seeking vengeance" or any other "failure" or negative connotation other's believe motivate our need to curtail significantly or completely terminate the relationship with our abuser(s.) It's not at all about "the past:" It's about the Here and Now as their continuing pattern of behavior makes the Past manifest in the Present. It is this on-going behavior that lays bare their culpability as perpetual Serial Offenders. Does it matter if the "motivation" is a difficult past, personal edification or pure pathology?

There is in my conception a Moral and Ethical framework for initiating and maintaining NC. When another person-particularly one in a position of authority-demands we violate our most deeply held morals, values, ethics, our very conscience, the bedrock of who we are to use us as a Tool, they are seeking to break our "moral back" so to speak. If you're successful in this endeavor (as demonstrated on a societal basis by for example some petty tyrant or dictator) you obtain "obedience" by engaging in a form of annihilation of the other. You have destroyed them. You "own" the empty shell of what remains of that individual that was "paid for" at the cost of their Personhood. At best, they exist in a state of anomie. *Trigger Warning* Not uncommonly, others commit suicide as a result.

Most of adult life is lived in the grey areas between polarities. Unlike the Authoritarian individual who resides almost exclusively in those polarities, that does not mean non-Authoritarian individuals lack a deep personal morality regarding Right and Wrong: It is because they DO, the "cost" of their personhood (soul) is not negotiable.<This is exactly what the abusers demand their victims relinquish.

It is that relentless demand perpetrated on their targets all abusers continually carry forward throughout their lives: The Past remains manifest in the Present.

I hope this makes sense. I'm certain you can explain this in terms of spirituality, Ruth. It's your goodness and decency that "clears the room." Your moral "backbone" remains unbroken: It stands as a rebuke in the screaming silence of NC. Unfortunately, even severely curtailing contact does not protect from the effects of shrapnel to your being.
Another significant reason for feeling exhausted in every way.

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