Tuesday, February 14, 2017
Pondering or sulking
Counseling started over 15 years ago. I reached the point where everything was gray....little or no emotion. Counseling was a desperate grab to get out of my personal twilight zone. My counselor poked, pestered, and prodded until I exploded and found anger. Then we peeled back anger to find hurt, fear and frustration. Digging and cleaning out the hideous sludge I found happiness, contentment and joy in bits and pieces. I learned that feeling only one emotion is a bit odd so only happy is almost as weird as only gray. I am learning to identify and cope with a wide range of emotions. Lately, I am in an odd mood. I am trying to identify what it is. I am thinking..... a lot. Hence, I am believing it might be pondering. But I also have tinges of resentment and discontent so perhaps I am sulking wanting to call it pondering because that sounds better to me. I know I am not angry. I am tired but that is more physical than emotional. I am not really happy, not excited but I am not grumpy either. You know, gray is easier...no confusion about what I am feeling.