Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Pondering or sulking

Counseling started over 15 years ago.  I reached the point where everything was gray....little or no emotion.  Counseling was a desperate grab to get out of my personal twilight zone.  My counselor poked, pestered, and prodded until I exploded and found anger.  Then we peeled back anger to find hurt, fear and frustration.  Digging and cleaning out the hideous sludge I found happiness, contentment and joy in bits and pieces.  I learned that feeling only one emotion is a bit odd so only happy is almost as weird as only gray.  I am learning to identify and cope with a wide range of emotions.  Lately, I am in an odd mood.  I am trying to identify what it is.  I am thinking..... a lot.  Hence, I am believing it might be pondering.  But I also have tinges of resentment and discontent so perhaps I am sulking wanting to call it pondering because that sounds better to me.  I know I am not angry.  I am tired but that is more physical than emotional.  I am not really happy, not excited but I am not grumpy either.  You know, gray is easier...no confusion about what I am feeling. 


mulderfan said...

I do a lot of pondering as part of my "respond, don't react" approach to life. I find it especially useful to ponder before responding to politicians I meet with!

Ruth said...

Think before I act would be pondering. Think without acting is sulking....maybe...makes sense to ponder before reacting to politicians and many other people...like parents. :)