Sunday, May 7, 2017

Let kids say no

A friend posted an article on line about allowing her daughters drop out of ballet because they were uncomfortable with the dance.  It was not ballet.  Wiggling their butts at the audience is not dance.

The mother decided to let her daughters quit when they explained they felt embarrassed.  I thought about all the times I was asked to do things like kissing a stranger that I was related to but I didn't know them.  I did things differently for my kids but I still made plenty of mistakes.  We live in a culture that expects every person  to be a dynamic extrovert or should be.  Saying no as a kid is not acceptable in so many places.  I believe that the basics of a kid learning he/she can say no is when they are kids.  My idea with grandkids that they need to get to know me and should only hug me if they want to.  If they don't want to hug me, for any reason, then they shouldn't have to.  I also believe in meeting them at their level by getting down on the ground or sitting down.  Choices are important.  Knowing what is happening at school, in dance class, or other activities is important.  We can't protect kids from every situation but we can up their chances by how we treat them.  Let the kid say no. 


mulderfan said...

OMG! Flashback to our 1st visit back to England after almost 20 years. Relatives I didn't remember at all hugging and kissing me! I was early 20s and really shy back then. According to my NF I didn't respond "warmly" enough. Every day, back at our hotel, I was the target of one of his narcissistic rages as he compared me to my outgoing GC younger brother.
The three week trip I had scrimped and saved for was a nightmare.
Now that I'm a 71 year old lady, there are people who seem to think it's OK to hug me without asking. NO, NO and NO!

Ruth said...

I'm sorry that was your experience. Allowing people to say no is a difficult hurdle sometimes. I'm glad you are saying no and teaching others the same.