Meet Holley

 

When You're in the Middle of a Struggle

We talk about our struggles.
We're friends, fellow travelers on this journey. She keeps repeating a phrase, "I'm the girl who...."
It's the phrase I've heard from the lips of hundreds of women. From my own too.
We face a challenge and redefine ourselves by it.

Here are some I've said:
I'm the girl who has social anxiety.
I'm the girl who has depression.
I'm the girl who can't have children.
Those sentences trap us, limit us, make us believe we are our worst moments.

I clear my throat and whisper quietly into the phone what has set me free...
"That's not who you are, friend, it's where you are right now."

She sighs with relief and says the words that are like candy for my ears, "You need to write about this on your blog." So here we are. Because I need to hear this truth more than once...and maybe you do too.
Your struggle is not your identity.
It's your location at the moment.

If there were spiritual GPS, we could locate your spot in the desert. Imagine you did so with me and I said, "This place is my identity forever." You'd shake your head and say, "You're on your way to the Promised Land! This is just a temporary stop!"

Then you'd remind me...
I'm the girl who is God's daughter.
I'm the girl with strengths placed within me for a purpose.
I'm the girl who's unconditionally loved by Someone who can get me through anything.

Where we are in life changes.
Who we are stays the same wherever we may go.
Where are you today, friend?
And who are you, really?

Words of encouragement by Holley Gerth. For more hope and encouragement, visit her blog Heart to Heart with Holley. And to receive Free Devotionals from Holley, Click Here to subscribe by e-mail.

Daysprings sends me lovely emails this one of them.  

Reminder: I am not my past.  I am not my diagnosis.  I am not what I feel.  I am not me at my worse. 

Other blogs

Other blogs inspire me, encourage me, and sometimes just keep me going.  I was just not knowing what to say in today's post.  So I browsed through other blogs.  Find one that is trying something new.  Another has a bunch of quotes.  I stumbled on this one:

http://www.lifelovequotesandsayings.com/2012/07/07/the-moment-you-think-about-giving-up/

"The moment you think of giving up, think of all the reasons you have held on for so long."

I then typed this quote into Google and found this page

http://www.purposefairy.com/3308/15-things-you-should-give-up-in-order-to-be-happy/
15 things you should give up in order to be happy.  Interesting list that I first saw on face book. 

The next site I tumble into was Encouraging sayings.
http://www.desktop-quotes.com/encouraging-sayings.html

I enjoyed this one:

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow,
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit. - Author Unknown

But I also encountered a dead end or two or three or four but I think that is just it.  Keep looking around corners trying new avenues until you find the messages you need to keep going.  

Deep breath.

Breathing is good.   


Sometimes a new perspective is just a click away.  

Hugs to those that need it.  

High fives for those that prefer less contact.  

Found another one http://www.lifelovequotesandsayings.com/2012/07/08/only-you-can-decide/

Only you can decide when the time has come, because there is a fine line between giving up and knowing you had enough. 

Dreams

"Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success."
- Dr. Joyce Brothers

Hold fast to your dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged
bird that can not fly.
Hold fast to your dreams
For if dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.
- Langston Hughes (American Poet)

I dreamed a dream Susan Boyle
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OcQ9A-5noM&feature=related
Her dream to become a professional singer became a reality.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXz-UfAT4ew&feature=autoplay&list=UUDwM1WXb_9Bw7FSrm_DVCFA&playnext=1

 Les Miserables Cast
I Dreamed a Dream Lyrics  
[ from Les Miserables Soundtrack ]
[Fantine is left alone, unemployed and destitute]

[FANTINE]
There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
As they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.
http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/lesmiserables/idreamedadream.htm

Man of La Mancha The Impossible Dream
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVlAtMZAzeY&feature=related
Musical "Man of La Mancha"
The Impossible Dream Lyrics
[ from Best of Broadway - American Musical Soundtrack ]

Lyrics by Joe Darion
In this song, Quixote explains his quest and the reasons behind it ... in doing so,
he captures the essence of the play and its philosophical underpinnings.
(For me, it is absolutely magical.)

To dream ... the impossible dream ...
To fight ... the unbeatable foe ...
To bear ... with unbearable sorrow ...
To run ... where the brave dare not go ...
To right ... the unrightable wrong ...
To love ... pure and chaste from afar ...
To try ... when your arms are too weary ...
To reach ... the unreachable star ...

This is my quest, to follow that star ...
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far ...
To fight for the right, without question or pause ...
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause ...

And I know if I'll only be true, to this glorious quest,
That my heart will lie will lie peaceful and calm,
when I'm laid to my rest ...
And the world will be better for this:
That one man, scorned and covered with scars,
Still strove, with his last ounce of courage,
To reach ... the unreachable star ...

http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/bestofbroadway-americanmusical/theimpossibledream.htm

The cruelest result of abuse you loose your dreams in the quest to survive.   How does one think of success if you don't believe you are worthy to live? 

Introvert Video

I first watched this video at the school I worked at so thought it was part of the schools set of videos then a friend posted in on FB and I was delighted to find out it is one I can share.  It takes about 20 minutes to watch so is not for those in a hurry.  


http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html

Last year I took a mini class at the school district, there was a quick questionare about being an introvert vs an extrovert.  I scored the highest points possible on being an introvert.  When I was a multiple, I had a personality that took care of the social part of my life so most people thought I was an extrovert.  When integration occurred, that part got folded in.  Kind of like whipped egg whites folded in to waffles.  It is still there but well hidden.  Before I went back to work, I enjoyed the benefit of being in Toastmasters (http://www.toastmasters.org/) for a year.  It was an amazing experience.  The extrovert part of me is still there but I have to work hard at getting myself there.  Most of society rewards the extrovert but it is often the introvert that can work through complex problems that the extrovert doesn't want to have to worry about.  Another test you can try for fun is the lemon juice test, I first saw this on a video but this gives a simpler way to test it.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/articles/personalityandindividuality/lemons.shtml


Further study, I learned that there is a genetic link to which trait is dominant.  Unfortunately, there is plenty of teasing for an introvert to endure.  I am quiet happy as an introvert.  I recognize that I need to be careful not to become reclusive.  Accepting this aspect of my personality allows me to make adjustments to better meet my needs for a longer transition time.  I also recognize that I can get distressed with too much input.  A little bit of down time during a party or gathering helps me to appreciate the experience more.  Adjustment time between activities improves transitioning from one thing to another.  Switching did have this advantage.  I would switch and in a split second I could change from being an introvert to an extrovert.  I better understand why my friends that I had a screw loose.  They couldn't comprehend the extreme switch from one to the other.  They never knew I had multiple selves. 

The same but different.

United States Celebrates

The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness.  You have to catch it yourself.  ~Benjamin Franklin


I am always amazed when people in the United States try to say that everything has to be fair.  When people have the freedom to choose, fair is usually not the choice made.  Happiness is even harder to choose.  I watch people make choices that lead to unhappiness and they seem to go full speed a head like they are steering the Titanic.  Facebook batted about a quote that goes something like this:

Everything happens for a reason.  Sometimes that reason was you made an incredibly stupid choice.

Not sure if I used the exact quote but it gives the main idea.  Freedom to choose but not free to do what ever you want.  Laws are in place to protect the rights of others.  Politicians seem to forget that there job is to protect our rights but not guarantee us anything.  Only thing that is guaranteed is death and taxes.  The more politicians try to guarantee happiness the higher taxes soar.  I pray that those making laws will keep in mind those that they serve.  Protect our rights that were so costly to gain.


There is a group of people that I am grateful for and would not be able to enjoy the freedoms that I have without them, soldiers.  Men and women that dedicate years and sometimes their lives to protect the freedoms of others.  Some times those men and women know that what they are asked to do is unjust and unfair.  Other times they know that they are the thin line between tyrants and everyone else.  I am thankful to those that serve our country.  God bless you where ever you are.  

Brilliant idea

My sister, Judy, shared a brilliant idea in the comments yesterday.  "Maybe you need to go at it from a different direction."  She then pointed out that we feel emotionally safe with each other.  I thought of that before.  I know that I am not safe with my mother and I am safe with Judy.  She also shared with how our relationship changed over time on her blog.
Part 1
http://theprojectbyjudy.wordpress.com/2012/07/02/my-sister-and-me/
Part 2
http://theprojectbyjudy.wordpress.com/2012/07/03/more-of-my-sister-and-me/

We did not always feel safe with each other.  I started about thinking about this whole thing from a different direction.  Why don't I feel safe?

My childhood sucked.  Our mother would tell Judy how wonderful I was and then tell me how many friends and wonderful Judy was.  Since, I agreed with my mother that Judy was wonderful then mother also pointed out that she did better in elementary school.  My mother didn't say anything that was an out right lie so I didn't disagree, I just felt small.  Less good.  Not valued.  Later in life we finally compared notes and discovered that mother pitted all the children against each other.  Effectively isolating each one of us from the other.  When a child feels isolated, they feel less safe.

Add this to my brother hurting me randomly.  I would be sitting doing my homework at the table he would walk behind me and pop me on the head using his class ring.  Now, many years later, I still duck when he walks behind me.  That is some awesome conditioning.  To me, violence has no rhyme or reason.  There was no cause and effect so in my mind, I don't understand that there is something I can do to protect myself from violence.  If I told my parents, the hitting would get worse and my parents blew it off as no big deal.  "Boys will be boys," was often quoted to me.  Violence had no reason it was just a part of my life.

Add to this that in high school my mother was prescribed lithium.  She decided she didn't like the blah neutral feeling.  She missed the high manic phases of her life.  She took herself off the medication without doctor supervision.  That year was an absolute blur of how to survive and keep my younger brother and sister safe.  Things finally evened out a little by the time I started college.  Plus mother swore up and down that I was the problem in the house and once I was gone all day things would be better.

Add to this was this feeling I had that I wasn't going to live long enough to graduate from high school.  I had no plans.  I had no future in my mind.  It wasn't until I was a senior that I even considered the possibility that I needed to have a plan.  I finally decided on - graduate from high school, go to college, graduate, work, go to Europe, never marry and NEVER have children.  I didn't even have any plans as to what college to go to.  It was just mapped out for my life that is what I was supposed to do.  It wasn't until I was in counseling that I understood that it was more than paranoia that had me thinking this way.  Locked in my memories was good reason to believe that I wouldn't graduate.  I witnessed a knifing at school but was too far away to identify anyone.  I didn't walk down certain hall ways or use designated bathrooms because I was not one of the popular people that could use them.  There were gangs and I wasn't a member of any of them.  I was a 'free' spirit and kids from elementary considered me crazy.  I was but I just didn't know then.  So I learned to walk quickly around the outside of the school and watch my own back to try to survive.  Also the pedophile threatened my life so many times that my attitude became, "So kill me and get it over with." Not an attitude that encourages life long plans.  

Add to this my mother put curtains in my window that were Cafe style which was a ruffle above with a gap then the rest of the curtain.  I begged my mother for different curtains.  I was punished for not being thankful I had a room to sleep in.  I had nightmares for as long as I could remember.  I was punished more than once for crying out in fear.  I was afraid I was being watched through the gap of the curtains.  My mother told me that was ludicrous since it was too far off the ground.  I was  taught that my fears were not important.

The list is impressive and I hadn't even married and gotten out on my own.  I hadn't had children with the huge responsibility of their safety.  Lived in a house without central heating in Washington state.  I would need to stay up to tend the fire so that the kids would be warm while sleeping.  My husband worked on the road.  This list goes on and on and on of why I don't feel safe.

Judy is teaching me how to be safe by example.  I still consider her awesome and so proud of her.  I do feel safe with her.  I understand how we did it.  We promised each other to speak truth.  We consider each other's feelings.  We create a safe environment of allowing the other one to share how they feel without ridicule.  Yea, I really appreciate Judy suggesting that I look at this differently.  Thanks Judy.