Thursday, September 1, 2016


I am posting the 7 clear signs that you are interacting with a narcissists.  I put these reminders to keep myself aware.  When I learned about narcissists, my mother's behavior made so much more sense.  However, being raised by a narcissists I tend to accept a narcissists behavior as normal.  I need the reminders to keep myself on the alert.  I learned the best way to interact with a narcissists is for me to have healthy boundaries.  They may call me mean and unreasonable but I recognize this as the same type of threats and complaints you get from a toddler when you tell them 'no.'

1. They Play the Victim.
2. They Use Aggression and Intimidation.
3. They Downplay Your Accomplishments.
4. They Guilt You Into Thinking Everything is Your Fault.
5. They Only Talk About Themselves.
6. They Use Triangulation.
7. They Never Change.  

 I learned that a narcissists will use these methods at different times seeing what works then using the one that works over and over.  When it stops working, they pull out a new trick.  I need to stay aware of these since I am so used to being treated this one it feels 'normal.'

My reaction to each of these...
1. I like to help people.  When they play the victim, I have to remember they are playing.  The are using the sad puppy dog eyes to manipulate me.  I want to help people in need.  One way to explain this is I offered to help someone shorten their pants so they could look nice for an interview.  When they came over they brought 11 pairs of pants, then became angry with me for not shortening all of them.
2.  Oh boy.  I used to melt at the slights show of aggression of intimidation.  My counselor worked with me over and over again not to try to vanish one someone was aggressive with me.  The thing that is helping the most is taking karate lessons.  Our teacher reminds us to not go looking for a fight but with the skills I have now, I am not afraid to say "Bring it on."  Once I started doing this, I learned that narcissists are bullies but they are not looking for an actual fight.  Almost always they use aggression and intimidation with someone they feel is weak than themselves.
3.  I put myself down so I am not surprised when someone else puts me down.  I learned that a narcissists is so insecure that they are determined to put the other person down, often behind my back to someone else that interacts with me.
4.  Boggles my mind at how fast a confrontation with a narcissists suddenly becomes my fault and I am the big meany hurting and intimidating them.  REALLY.  (Please read that word dripping with sarcasm.)  If I am getting blamed, I do a self analysis to see if I actually messed up.  Most the time I accept that I am the designated scapegoat.  I am learning to not take this personally.  Their whining and blaming is not about me.  It is about their intense need to NOT take responsibility of their mistakes.
5.  I try an experiment with some people when I am getting to know them.  When appropriate I start to talk about something I am doing.  If their eyes glaze over and reach for their phone to check their messages, it is quite likely I am talking to a narcissists.  It is like a litmus test of narcissists.
6.  Oh yea.  For those not familiar with triangulation it is the art of bringing in reinforcements and ganging up on you.  Thanks Jonsi for keeping your blog up to direct me to this article on triangulation.  If you believe you are interacting with a narcissists read up on what this is...
7.  I would change they never change to they believe they are Practically Perfect in every way and see no need to change.  I nick named it the Mary Poppins thinking.  When a person is practically perfect, why should they change?  I learned that a healthy person is actively working at changing and improving themselves.  Narcissists believes they have arrived therefore, changing is for lesser people than themselves.

I believe boundaries, education, self-confidence, courage, and patience are some of the best defenses against narcissistic behavior.  Staying alert of where a relationship is headed is important to stay in healthy relationships and guard against unhealthy ones.

Self protection is important when interacting with a narcissists. 


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