My life gets all sorted out, I am zooming along then WHAM! On occasion I feel like I have this sign on my back that says 'kick me.' I resist change. I want things to remain the same but they don't. It would be a bit weird if they did stay the same. Life throws curve balls every day. If I am awake I am engaged in something to do. I am enjoying the art therapy class I am doing online. I am enjoying the mini workshop with my job on how to reach the 'troubled' student. I am having fun playing Happy Acres on Facebook. I was up until almost 2 AM too wired to sleep. My mother broke her hip a couple of weeks ago. When she was in extreme pain visits were brief and doable. Now she is getting better. The complaints with the expectation I could wave a magic wand and make them all go away. Others are also hearing her complaints. Their comments tell me more clearly then anything else how differently I was treated. Their exclamation, "She must have dementia to be acting this way." I don't see a change, she is acting the same to me. Her flow of criticism is not new to me. In fact, I believe her only change is everyone else gets to see behind the mask of pleasantry that she always hid. I thought it was me that brought out the worst in her. Now, I understand that I was expected to resolve all these complaints and take care of her. My life feels in turmoil because I feel like I am sliding relentlessly into this designated role that I was molded to perform from the time I was 5 years old. I remember even then to take care of my mother. It never occurred to anyone that someone was supposed to take care of the child. Then sadly I watched the same pattern develop with my children when my health became so bad that I was bed ridden. I am working at improving my health. I don't expect my children to do it for me. I am sorry that my mother was hurt. But it is not my job to solve her problems. She has lots of time to think and she is feeling regret for some situations. She keeps asking me what she can do to fix the damage but the reality is she has no intention of changing herself she wants me to fix things. So much in my life is really great. Why am I letting this issue haunt me again? I am realizing that how I behave is about my choice not her behavior. Others are expressing their dismay in her change of behavior. My thought, "What change? She seems the same to me." I was her safety valve she always unloaded on me then felt better with me shouldering her problems. I won't do this any more. She made poor choices. I don't need to fix things for her. She is an adult. She'll figure it out. Solutions will come. I am working at letting things go.