I spent 10 years working with counselors to change how I function in the World. Yet with all that work there are still parts of me that remain unchanged. My counselors often spoke about my core. The very essence of who I am. My Spirit, unchanging and eternal. I was born into a home that maintained the facade of loving bliss and harmony. Threats, shaming, and deliberate lies maintained this front. People still believe it. Every once in a while I encounter a person that tells me how lucky I am to live in such a loving family. The rage instantly rises, lately to boiling over with a single comment. I changed so much within myself but outwardly I still do some of the same things. Reason and thought behind the actions changed but some behaviors remain the same. I question myself, "Did I actually change? So much remains the same." Refer back to my core. It didn't change. Finding that core and honoring my values, that changed. I learned at my father's knee, 'Peace at all cost.' By my teen years, I knew that would cost me everything, my values, my honor, my very soul must be compromised when seeking 'peace at all cost.' A chameleon hides itself by blending into it's surrounding. One is never quite sure the actual color of a chameleon the change is almost instantaneous. It adapts, always. Try to confuse a chameleon with a multicolored surface, no problem it will adapt to that too. Stopping adapting necessitated figuring out what are my values, what is honor, and who am I. That changed. I don't adapt quite so easily. People that were accustomed to pushing me around call me mean and unreasonable since I no longer do their bidding. I found my backbone. I chose my color. Counseling taught me to live, a human being with rights and privileges of living. Took 10 years to scrub away layers of garbage to find my soul. That changed everything.