Sunday, March 26, 2017

Miserable Misunderstanding

And over thinking, put me through a very tough week.  I thought DH answered a question in a way that rocked my world.  I spent all week thinking over and over and over how to handle what I thought happened.  I remembered from YEARS of counseling to not go into a discussion with an assumed end.  Share how I feel and watch what shakes out.  The conversation went sideways and upside down when I realized what DH thought I asked was totally different than what I asked.  After clarification of what he thought I said.  I put that together with his answer.....TOTALLY DIFFERENT meaning.  We ended up covering a lot of information that went a long ways to mending several misunderstandings.  I am thankful to counselors that taught me a pattern of communication of using I-statements, asking for clarification, and accepting answers that I don't expect.  Look for misunderstandings - don't simply assume the other person understood what I thought I said.  This whole communication thing is tough but with 90% of the people I know if I take time to use I-statements, express how I feel, invite feedback, and a tentative plan for a solution with an openness to accept other solutions amazing conversations can happen. 


Repeat back what I think the other person said to me.  (Feed back) Invite the other person to share what they think I said.  (Would have helped if I did this on the first conversation.)  Work in progress. 

Own how I feel.  Not the other persons fault that I feel the way I do.  By owning my feelings, I control them.  (Very cool once I figured out how that works.  Still a work in progress but old ladies can learn new ways.)

Conversations can be stickier than walking through cob webs. 


Tundra Woman said...

For you on YouTube: "She Said, He Heard" by Suzy Boggus from "Give Me Some Wheels," 1995.

A lot of truth in an ear worm tune.

Ruth said...

I looked up the lyrics...makes sense.