Sunday, July 30, 2017

At a distance

I saw a beautiful rainbow this morning with a jet flying right through it.  I realized that the people in the jet can't see the rainbow.  In the middle of the storm, we can't see the rainbows, it is only when we look back at  a distance.

Many PTSD gurus tell people to not look back at their past.  Going into counseling he started with present day issues but I kept tripping up on the assignments.  He finally asked me about my past.  What past? I didn't have any past?  Not remembering my past did not resolve the issues that lingered like a dark cloud.  As I struggled with memories and suffered increasing anxiety I was in a middle of a storm.  I couldn't see the rainbows.  Now, I am reviewing my past and how I changed my reactions in the present and I see the amazing things I was taught.  The tools, validation, self care, and so many blessings were unnoticed in the middle of the storm.  However, now when I look back I see the amazing things that I was taught and happened inside of me.  I actually enjoy looking back now to see how far I come and admire the storm and the rainbows at a distance. 

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