Prompted to begin anew

 Retirement is a time when things stop.  Stop working, stop the daily grind, stop doing a billion things a day.  What no one tells you that it is a time to Restart things that were set aside while busy working.  I still don't know what this will look like.  I do know that I want purpose in my life, just a different purpose.  Beginnings are not associated with retirement, but I think Restarting is totally appropriate.  I am doing well.  My body is older and grumpier but I'm ok with that.  I started going to the gym with Aqua-Fits. I'm amazed what I can do in the water.  I am learning to rethink about what I am going to do.  

Sadness is upon me

 I read it on FB but unable to find it somewhere else.  Sadly, trying to link FB to a post is like trying to tape water to the wall.  Not happening.  

I have awesome friends on FB that share a variety of perspectives.  Today's gem explained that in some languages that an emotion is described as being on you, or you have it. In English we say, "I am sad."  However, the Irish say, "The sadness is upon me."  What I appreciate about this distinction is that emotions are temporary, and I have them for a while then they leave with another emotion starts to hang out with me.  I like the concept that emotions are part of my life, but my emotions are not who I am.  

The dragonfly is upon the rose bush....as soon as it warms up it will take off and fly.  

Packed a lot in This Year

 

Last year about this time is when I last posted.  I seriously considered quitting all my blogs and just shut down my internet presence.  This year, to say the least, was over whelming.  I wanted to spend it curled up in the fetal position until the storm was over, but life isn't like that.  I wake up, I'm in pain, life goes on, and I am using every healthy and unhealthy coping skill I can think of.  Sometimes things are just like that.  The old wife's tale says bad things come in threes.  This year felt like wave after wave after wave.  I would call it a water boarding year, an illegal form of torture, not to be used on enemies.  Yet, here I am, after a brutal year, still standing.  I had happy times sprinkled in to keep me going.  I felt gratitude for many things.  However, I learned that happy times and shared jokes don't undo the emotional impact of a tough year.  I learned that no matter how hard things got, arthritis still hurts, dinner still needs to be eaten, and making huge mistakes or huge successes does not change events.  I felt keenly the last freedom we have is how we respond to our experiences.  Viktor Frankl taught this in his book Man's Search for Meaning.  I am thankful I am through this year.  I am working at treating myself with more compassion.  No matter how much I prepared, I underestimated the powerful impact of two deaths in my family within 2 days.  A week changed everything.  I am stilling trying to figure out where I am, so that I can figure out where I want to go.  

Great description of Boundaries

 One of the first things I learned I needed during counseling was boundaries.  In fact, boundaries is what finally brought me into counseling in the first place.  DH (darling husband) and I were taking a marriage class offered by our church.  They spent the whole evening talking about the importance of boundaries.  When I got home, I was less than polite asking DH what they were.  He knew.  After his explanation I felt frustrated and confused that I didn't know what they were or how to use them.  That is when I decided I needed professional counseling.  Hardest and best decision ever.  

Today, online I found a great description of boundaries.  

https://www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=2722259154722284&set=a.1384623531819193

I went to her webpage to learn a bit about her.  She is a life coach and has a blog.  She also archived it so you can easily get to the other posts. I recommend you checking out her pages if you like this post.  

https://www.lisaaromano.com/blog

Google is suspicious

I've been off this page for so long that Google is suspicious of my presents.  I'm working at getting back to my blogs on a more regular basis.  

Hi, How are you?

 I hunkered down into survival mode.  My interactions with groups on Facebook for PTSD and CPTSD is about the extent of what I've done for awhile.  I am slowly getting my feet back under me.  We traveled and visited family far away.  We saw beautiful country and visited the Great lakes.  Yes, I am impressed with the amazing country I live in.  I'm sad when I still see so much fear and distrust.  I am thrilled when I see smiling faces that welcome all who come.  

At the end of the day, the power of hope is the belief that the sun will rise in the morning.  

 I like this idea I found on Facebook

Of course, my take on what they are calling the "new normal" is that insanity is not new....what is new is trying to convince everyone to embrace insanity as normal.  

I am thankful to live over 60 years and be able to say I have seen a lot of stuff come down, this past year may be one of the strangest for how long I've stayed home, living like I'm under house arrest, but not the worst.  I am thankful for friends and family that call, video chat and share encouragement and love in so many different ways.  I pray for those that are sick, lost their jobs, experienced financial hardship, or lost their loved ones.  It is much like the book opening in the Tale of Two Cities:

• “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.” ― Charles Dickens , A Tale of Two Cities

Charles Dickens could have written about these times.  

My recommendation is find a bit of joy and spread it.  On Facebook, I find beautiful pictures and share them.  Online teaching, I encourage, leave funny GIFs for daily check ins, and try to help others see that the future is amazing.  

Fire your mean boss

 I can't tell you how shocked I was when my counselor told me to fire my mean boss.  I was also confused.  How could I fire my boss?  At the time, I did have a mean boss at work.  I expressed my confusion.  

He carried on, "You know the boss that expect you to be early to work and stay late.  The boss that expects you do to do more than any one else.  The boss that makes you go in on weekends and other times when you could be home...." Took a while for me to finally realize the mean boss he referred to was me.  I was my own mean boss.  I was my harshest critic and put myself down more than anyone else.  

I am not alone with this challenge of needing to fire my mean boss.  Dove sponsored a project that they shared in this video.  

(545) Dove Real Beauty Sketches | You’re more beautiful than you think (6mins) - YouTube

I agree with their conclusion you are more beautiful than you think.  I also believe most of us are doing better than we think we are.  You are better than what that inner critic keeps telling you.  Learning to fire my mean boss and become my own best friend, which is much harder than I thought it would be.  

The Last Time

 One of the things I wished with all my heart is that when our kids were growing up;  I worried less and enjoyed more the moments, the heart beats, the days challenges of busy years.  I am working on it now.  

This is the holiday season, a time of challenges, triggers, tough memories, an occasional flashbacks that make this particularly difficult.  I posted on here before survival guides for the holidays.  

http://weareone-ruth.blogspot.com/2013/11/holidays-are-upon-us.html

http://weareone-ruth.blogspot.com/2017/10/didnt-build-in-rain.html

This time I am sharing a poem my daughter shared as she enjoyed the Zoo lights with her sons.  She is right, I am wishing we could have one more time together, one more hug, one more story time,   one more of so many things.  Mostly I wish each of them joy in the celebration of Christ.  

The Last Time (author unknown)

From the moment you hold your baby in your arms you will never be the same

You might long for the person you were before when you had freedom and time and nothing in particular to worry about

You will know tiredness like you never knew it before days will run into days that are exactly the same full of feedings and burping

Nappy changes and crying

Whining and fighting

Naps or a lack of naps

It might seem like a never-ending cycle

But don't forget...

There is a last time for everything

There will come a time when you will feed your baby for the very last time

They will fall asleep on you after a long day and it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child

One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down and never pick them up that way again

You will scrub their hair in the bath for one last time and from that day on they will want to bathe alone

They will hold your hand to cross the road

Then will never reach for it again

They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles and it will be the last night you ever wake to this

One afternoon you will sing "the wheels on the bus" and do all the actions then never sing them that song again

They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate

The next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone

You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face

They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.

The thing is, you won't even know it's the last time until there are no more times. And even then, it will take you a while to realize.

So while you are living in these times, remember there are only so many of them and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day

My children made these in 1st grade, now their children are in first grade. Yes, I still have them. 

Healing Power of Gratitude

 Gratitude is a powerful thing. I learned of its power when I was sick in bed for about 3 years. I learned to be thankful for things like getting dressed. Gratitude to children that pitched in and helped. Husband that knew how to vacuum. Savior to reassure me I'm not worthless. Prayer to keep me going when things seemed impossible. Grateful that my faith taught me that Jesus takes impossible and turns it into I'm possible.

Too many people blow off simple things like gratitude when looking for healing solutions. There are scientist that actually study the impact of gratitude on the brain. I read a few articles that show that an attitude of gratitude does awesome and cool things to our brains. Scriptures also back this up with many references to give thanks. I know I went through a tough time when I felt like it took all week to find something to be grateful for. Gratitude is a learned skill.

Our church group decided to start keeping a gratitude journal for an entire year. They gave us notebooks to write in, cute pages for every month and encouragement to write daily. I was very skeptical about one more thing to do in my life. However, I was willing to try. After a few months I had to stop not because I didn't feel gratitude but I realized if I wrote down every blessing, way I was helped, everything I was thankful for, all I would do was write all day long. I finally saw a flood of things to be thankful for. I started creating gratitude chains.....Thankful for a car to drive led to gratitude for roads to drive on, gas, money to afford the car and gas, thankful for amazing place to travel to and see...One blessing connects to several others. It felt amazing. Now, gratitude is one of my go to healing tools when I start to feel overwhelmed or like life is picking on me. I am thankful for the internet where I can share my thoughts on a blog and I am thankful for readers willing to spend a few minutes of their day to read my words. I am thankful for those that leave kind comments and help me feel connected. Gratitude is a powerful healing tool.

Run the Dishwasher Twice

 I found this on Facebook and wanted to post it here as a reminder to myself that when something is overwhelming, I need to rethink the rules.  Computer being weird, can't get rid of the black so I changed the font to white. It took some digging but I found the link to the original:

https://www.quora.com/Has-a-therapist-ever-told-you-something-completely-unexpected/answer/Kate-Scott-6?ch=99&share=924eb0ff&srid=P2BN

I really liked the lesson! *original poster (Kate Scott 2020)*:

RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE.

When I was at one of my lowest (mental) points in life, I couldn’t get out of bed some days. I had no energy or motivation and was barely getting by.

I had therapy once per week, and on this particular week I didn’t have much to ‘bring’ to the session. He asked how my week was and I really had nothing to say.

“What are you struggling with?” he asked.

I gestured around me and said “I dunno man. Life.”

Not satisfied with my answer, he said “No, what exactly are you worried about right now? What feels overwhelming? When you go home after this session, what issue will be staring at you?”

I knew the answer, but it was so ridiculous that I didn’t want to say it.

I wanted to have something more substantial.

Something more profound.

But I didn’t.

So I told him, “Honestly? The dishes. It’s stupid, I know, but the more I look at them the more I CAN’T do them because I’ll have to scrub them before I put them in the dishwasher, because the dishwasher sucks, and I just can’t stand and scrub the dishes.”

I felt like an idiot even saying it.

What kind of grown ass woman is undone by a stack of dishes? There are people out there with *actual* problems, and I’m whining to my therapist about dishes?

But my therapist nodded in understanding and then said:

“RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE.”

I began to tell him that you’re not supposed to, but he stopped me.

“Why the hell aren’t you supposed to? If you don’t want to scrub the dishes and your dishwasher sucks, run it twice. Run it three times, who cares?! Rules do not exist, so stop giving yourself rules.”

It blew my mind in a way that I don’t think I can properly express.

That day, I went home and tossed my smelly dishes haphazardly into the dishwasher and ran it three times.

I felt like I had conquered a dragon.

The next day, I took a shower lying down.

A few days later. I folded my laundry and put them wherever the fuck they fit.

There were no longer arbitrary rules I had to follow, and it gave me the freedom to make accomplishments again.

Now that I’m in a healthier place, I rinse off my dishes and put them in the dishwasher properly. I shower standing up. I sort my laundry.

But at a time when living was a struggle instead of a blessing, I learned an incredibly important lesson:

THERE ARE NO RULES.

Blessing others

 

Tough times and hard times people tend to pull back and stay away and less connection.  I like the example in this story where a bookstore employee shares their memory of a most memorable customer.  

Tough times blessing others is not just one more thing to do but a vital way to connect and encourage yourself that if we can't fix anything we can do something to help one another on something.  

https://timelesslife.info/bookstore-employee-writes-this-on-facebook-after-little-old-lady-shocks-everyone-at-the-register

Sometimes we are just tired and need to rest.  

Time flies

 I am working from home and this past month flew by with me sitting for hours in front of the computer connecting with teachers and students.  I am struggling with using my computer for work, play and connection.  The computer keeps us connected and keeps us apart.  If there were no computers, they would have to figure out how to teach students....we would probably be in school instead of struggling to make lessons make sense online.  Somethings work ok.  Computer programming classes are done on the computer no matter where you are located.  However, really tough to had at flowers over the internet for students to learn to arrange them.  The visual information does not replace the smell and experience of handling flowers and placing them beautifully in a vase.  No matter how much we talk, it is not the same experience.  I like what the teacher is doing by engaging the students interactively online but that is still not the same as handling the flowers themselves.  I'm ready to go back to work at school when they are willing to open the schools and let us go.  

Unsolicited Advice

My children let me know that as adults it is no longer ok to give unsolicited advice.  I felt hurt.  I only wanted to help.  A life long habit needed to be examined.  I shied away because I needed to get to a place where I was ready to listen. (aka I needed to be humble.)  An article popped up on Facebook and I saved it for weeks waiting.  Finally this morning I took my courage in both hands and started to read.  Instead of feeling attacked or put down the article gave examples of what it looks like and why it isn't healthy.  I am on the road to healthy so this approach kept me more open to what they were teaching me.  Then it pointed out why it is ineffective and harmful to relationships.  I am also in some groups online where people are looking for advice.  What to do?  The article pointed out that when people are looking for advice presenting information as "This is what I experienced...." or "One possibility is...." or another way "A suggestion you might consider....."  all implying that the listener is capable of making up their own mind and finding their own solution. 

https://sharonmartincounseling.com/unsolicited-advice

After reading the article, I thought what if I had not given unsolicited advice to my children?  What if I encouraged them to find their own solutions?  What if I had done differently?  Well I didn't but that doesn't mean I can't move forward with change in my heart and paying attention to how I share my thoughts and feelings with others.  Learning to listen more, problem solve yes.  My brain is hardwired to problem solve which was really good when my job was fixing computers.  Now I work with helping people, I need to re-access, examine, and consider how to take this information and more fully incorporate it in my life.  I have some thinking to do too. 

My counselor first proposed this concept to me years ago.  He describe raising kids is like playing football.  (Yup, raised my eyebrows at that one.) He went on to explain, when your kids are little you are out there on the field telling them exactly what to do like a quarter back.  When they grow to be teenagers you are the coach with a whistle shouting from the sideline.  Then all my kids became adults with children of their own, I throw away the whistle and I get POMPOMs to cheer them on.  I'm still working at what that looks like.  Sometimes they really do ask for my advice and I am challenged how to present any ideas in a way that is supportive and allowing them to make the final decision. 

Changing me is a life long journey.  I am thankful for advice I received over the years from others.  I want to pass on the good ideas and helps I received like passing the baton in a relay, I realize I need to do it in away that I am not beating them over the head with baton.  I am a work in progress. 

Getting back on track

June was rough.  No doubt about it.  This past July 4th I felt imprisoned, less free than I felt for years.  I took it badly.  I refuse to live in fear.  Age 42 I had cancer, that is scary.  I lived.  Same week I found out about my cancer, planes flew into buildings and fields.  So many died in a day.  I lived. Counseling taught me a whole new level of emotions that I didn't know existed.  I lived.  I am alive still after months of staying home.  I'm done being afraid.  I am making mask, I'll wear them not out of fear but because it is the law right now.  When it is no longer mandated, I will stop.  Mask wearers threaten me with my life if I don't wear them.  People that I thought were nice people, aren't.  It was an eye opener for me. 

I am sleeping better.  I finished some big projects, pictures below.  I am getting back on track.  I am deciding how I am going to live.  I am working on new projects and relentlessly working on cleaning and sorting over 30 years of paper stuff.  I am letting some things go and hanging onto others.  My children are in their 30's and I have a box marked to throw-away-after-I-die.  Looking at little hand prints and precious learning to write brings me joy.  Report cards were all shredded.  My children did well in school but report cards are just sad and mean nothing to me....so into the shredder they went.  I let go of anything that brought me sadness, most of my mother's letters to me.  Anything that I felt hurt by, went in the trash.  I saved things to prove they happened.  After this past month, I don't need to prove how I feel about anything.  I feel what I feel and if someone else doesn't like it, then I do not need to prove why I feel what I feel.  Break through.  I spent my childhood justifying my existence and that I had feelings. If I couldn't "prove" something with hard evidence then it didn't happen.  Yup, classic gas-lighting.  I filled the shredder several times in two days.  More still needs to be done but I feel like I lifted a burden off my shoulders.  I do not need to prove that how I feel is legitimate.  Wow.  This is something to celebrate. 

Crocheting is therapy for me.  Getting better with each one I complete.  

Haunted by past

WARNING Major Rant below.....READ WITH CAUTION.  


I worked hard and long in counseling.  I felt I made a lot of progress.  This year started hopeful and exciting.  Then came COVID panic followed up by natural disasters, fires, earthquakes, run of the mill planet Earth happenings then tolerated riots with bricks appearing in strategic positions to maximize damage hurting those that they were supposed to be for.  Anarchy, fear, and bullying are this new world order they are demanding we accept.  Not just no, but HELL no. 

I lived my childhood with irrational demands and fear mongering.  My mother is dead and here she is multiplied by millions screaming, "Do this or you'll die" "Do that or your family will die" no proof, no studies other than what is presented by a media that is known for changing the "truth" more often than most people change their clothes.  I've lived this, for years.  People, this does not end well.  The emotional, social impact are going to be far reaching and incalculable.  We will recover economically eventually but will the broken homes, broken lives, and broken children care? 

The screams of a few are drowning out those that are trying to say, "This may not be the best way to do this."  The screamers don't care, they want what they want and they will destroy anything and anyone that gets in their way.  But to me the screamers are merely puppets on a much larger stage and few will believe there are puppeteers pulling their strings creating chaos so nobody pays attention to what they are doing.  This will end badly for so many and I do not mean just those that might get COVID, a horrible disease that kills, but the hundreds of thousands and millions that will start to believe this insanity must be their new reality.  I'm not handling this well, at all.  Once again, I feel helpless as my reality is ripped to shreds then I am told I am unreasonable for not complying. 

Nope Nope Nope. 

I am thankful for being Christian and knowing that in the end God wins.  However, things are really messy and don't look like they will get any better any time soon because you see the puppeteers believe they have the power and know the right buttons to push to send everyone scrambling for cover.  A war is on and no one believes it. 

Added guilt

Guilt is an important quality to a certain degree and type.  If you hurt someone, you should feel guilty for doing the other person harm.  Some people might call it their "Jiminy Cricket" prompting them to do the right thing.  However, there is another type of guilt that is far more destructive.  It is the guilt passed from abuser to victim that is more like a swarm of locust poised to destroy peace of mind and sometimes the person.  These are the shaming blaming behaviors that the abuser blames the victim for their behavior.  The screams of rage, "You made me do this. If you were good I wouldn't beat you." Or some other variation that implies that the abusers erratic and irrational behavior is the victims fault.  A friend on Facebook shared an article that is helping me wrap my mind around this difficult issue. 

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-neglect/2018/02/3-guilt-and-shame-messages-of-childhood-emotional-neglect-and-how-to-defeat-them/

I like this article because it breaks down the guilt monster into 3 components...

No one wants to see your feelings.
Your feelings are shameful.
There is something wrong with you.

I learned to hide my feelings so well, I hid them from myself; also known as dissociation. I feel ashamed when I had feelings of anger and most of my other emotions. I got the message loud and clear there was something wrong with me.  I was damaged, faulty, making mistakes, stupid and the list of things that I was went on and on and on.  No doubt in my mind there was something wrong with me.  Then came counseling.  Trying to undo all this brainwashing crap took time and effort, I am a work in progress.  I am still working out that my feelings are important and valid; most importantly I was just a little kid tried to cope in a bizarre situation.  I want this article to go back to and review again how I am doing at recognizing what is my responsibility and what was shoved off to me by my abusers.  Kind of difficult when they feelings feel so similar.  I finally hit on the idea of whose problem is it, and who has control of the out come.  If it is me, then I need to pay attention to those feelings of guilt so I can apologize and work towards better relationships.  If it is their responsibility, time to strength my boundaries and clarify that they can't treat me like that.  It is definitely a work in progress. 

You Tube helper

Ever wish there was someone you could ask Fix it questions without emotional baggage or lectures?  A friend posted an article about this guy that has done that.  Yes, there are Dad jokes.  Its ok.  He has his own You Tube channel and he shares how to do basic fixes around the house, yard and car.  This is information I learned the hard way with a husband that was on the road for his job most of the week.  If the toilet stopped working on Monday, I couldn't wait until Friday for him to fix it.  Yes, I know how to replace the chain on a toilet. 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNepEAWZH0TBu7dkxIbluDw/videos

If this doesn't interest you, no problem.  But I figured for someone out there some where this might be helpful. 

A favorite of mine

Two tissue true story....when it first went around I tracked down the original. 

My question is: Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

'When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection.

Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.

Where is the natural order of things in my son?'
The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. 'I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.'

Then he told the following story:

Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?' I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning..'

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt.. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.

In top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. Athe pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates.
Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to first!

Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!'

Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.

By time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball. The smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.

He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home. All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay'

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third!

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!'

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team

'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'.

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

Blogger will change

Like it or not.  Yup, there is a reason I dislike computers.  They change, constantly, and if there is a problem then it is your fault their software/hardware is faulty.  Follow the directions and it doesn't work the person you call can't tell you anything except the directions you already followed and it didn't work.  They actually don't know the answers.  We created this amazing way to communicate, learn, play and go down numerous and sometimes scary rabbit holes and nobody out there actually knows what is happening.  I worked IT for 15 years.  People wore lucky hats, chanted to their computers, and generally did anything they could think of and sometimes it just doesn't work.  Heavy sigh.  Blogger will change I have a months grace period of using the "old" way but it will change.  Their comment, well start the new one know and get a jump on it and give us feedback.  People please understand, they are using you the readers and bloggers to trouble shoot their problems.  I don't try to jump ahead on technology, I let other people have the problems, give them time to fix it then I will use it.  Not a happy way to start my morning finding out their idea of progress most likely does not match my idea of something wonderful. 

Three wishes.  

Not just another day

Recently with working from home one day blends into the next but today is not just another day.  Today was Memorial Day.  A time when we honor those that gave their lives so we can live ours.  To men and women who died in circumstances that are heart breaking.  We sometimes take too lightly what their sacrifice means.  Sadly, I was a teenager in the 70's and watched the war protests, the vicious way soldiers were treated, man's cruelty and blaming the wrong people for what was happening.  I am thankful to those that felt duty bound or drafted to serve sometimes for things they did not believe in.  Sometimes there are no easy answers.  However, I was raised in hatred and fear, sometimes the only answer left is to fight back.  Not the first choice but there are people through out the World that wish to force their ideals and beliefs on others and have no problem killing to get what they want.  It is somber for me to think about the cruelty soldiers faced when they came home.  Some times the toughest battles are not fought in the battle field but in our own hearts and minds.  Some died and others came home seriously damaged none were unaffected.  I ponder if I am living a life that honors their sacrifice.