Monday, March 14, 2011

Adding to the book list

I struggled with learning to read.  In high school I finally took a 'free reading' class where I discovered two things.  I read slowly and I don't like reading what my mother was always telling me I should read.  I read books like Black Like MeThe Little Prince, Bellevue is a State of Mind, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden and a huge list of other books that I think my mother would add to the ban list.  I also discovered Non-Fiction.  I found INPUT to the N'th degree.  I loved it.  When I was pregnant I was one of those lucky souls with morning, noon, and night sickness and used reading a good story to help keep my mind focused on something besides throwing up.  I have done my own research on hundreds of topics I am curious about.  Then I hit PTSD at a severe level and Dissociative Identity Disorder.  My reading became a huge challenge because the only ones writing about it seemed to be psychiatrist and counselors.  So when I do come across a book on it, I put it on my must read list.  Sometimes this is a tactical error.  I found the book Mother Had a Secret by Tiffany Fletcher.   Tiffany is the daughter of a woman with multiple personalities.  She wrote it from her perspective as a child living with a mother that she really didn't know who she should would be facing from day to day.  If I had any idea what was in the book, I would have waited until a vacation or a weekend.  I ended up taking a day off of work to read this book.  I read. I cried.  I read some more.  I cried while I read.  I couldn't help thinking about what would my kids write if they wrote a book about me.  If you are a person that wants to know how difficult living with PTSD and DID can be, this would be the book for you.  On the other hand, if you are a multiple or PTSD at a severe level, I would wrap this book in caution tape.  I am adding it to my book list because it has a unique perspective that I have never found before. Read at your own risk.  I am now going back and reading sections again with a calmer frame of mind.  There are some really interesting points.  Do keep the caution in mind.  

2 comments:

mulderfan said...

At times we seem destined to hurt OURSELVES by reopening old wounds. Be kind to yourself, Ruth, You deserve to be happy.

Hugs!

Ruth said...

Thanks mulderfan. I also remind myself that to clean out some wounds reopening is necessary to get rid of the poisonous thoughts. I love the Serenity prayer because it is knowing the difference. Sometime we have something that needs to be out in the open. I think at some level this is what this book did for me. It let me exam one of the reasons I feel bad about myself. The affect I had on my children has haunted me. Fortunately, several of my children have reassured me that I did do the best I knew how and they felt that I loved them. They have made a big difference in my life.