Wednesday, March 30, 2011

As Thyself

I am continuing my rant with a pause for "Karen."  Those that do not want to hear about this, check over at Jana's Thinking Place she has a great list of questions to think about instead:  
This is a continued LONG response to a post over at upsi's:
My answer to "Karen" would be very different than the one she received from "Healing Mom."  (I added the quotes on Healing Mom on purpose.  She says she is healing but I don't see enough evidence to convict her.)  
Dear "Karen",
I am so sorry you are hurting so much.  I am a 50 something mom that found out at 45 she was really messed up and in consequence hurt her kids.  I learned a lot about owning, apologizing, and learning new ways to live.  I am sorry to hear you are in a situation with parents that have no intention of treating you with the respect you deserve.  I was deeply disturbed by the religious bent of "Healing Mom's" rant.  I sensed no feeling of empathy or even a bit of understanding.  Here is the scripture I would choose to share with you.  Luke 10:27 thy neighbor as thyself.  I added the emphasis on AS THYSELF.  Jesus does not say love thy neighbor more than yourself or instead of yourself.  I would suggest that our parents are one of our closest neighbors and we have known them the longest.  Many parents, but not all, profess that they love their children.  Unfortunately, their behavior does not always match their words.  You are right that you need to respect yourself.  To me, part of that is to surround yourself with people that respect you.  I think it is a valid statement when you say that disrespecting you is a parental habit and they don't realize how awful they sound.  When I was a teenager, one of my brothers hid a tape recorder to tape the family dinner conversation for a class assignment.  The conversation did not fit the assignment but we learned a lot from listening to that tape.  I feel sad that you are forced into the position of choosing to care for yourself or stay in contact with your parents.  That is so not fair, but I also understand why sometimes such a difficult choice is needed.  If you don't mind me saying, I will keep you in my prayers that you will be one of the worlds chain breakers and do for your children what was not done for you. May you always show love and respect to your children.  
A very different Healing Mom


mulderfan said...

Great post, Ruth. In AA we make a list of people we have harmed and where ever possible make amends to those people. Making amends does not mean saying "sorry" it means taking ACTION to correct the harm we have caused.

Very often our own name appears on the list of those we harmed and again ACTION is required to turn our lives around. You are a shining example of someone who has moved beyond sorry and is making genuine amends to both herself and others.

Ruth said...

Thanks mulderfan.


thank-you Ruth this is a very thought provoking post !♥♥

Laurel Hawkes said...

You are amazing, Ruth.

Kathy said...

This is an excellent response!

Ruth said...

Thank you.