Young@Heart by Pam Young
In his breath-taking book Many Lives, Many Masters , Dr. Brian Weiss M.D. (a renown and highly reputable psychiatrist) said, “The steady day-in and day-out pounding of undermining influences such as a parent’s scathing criticisms, could cause even more psychological trauma than a single traumatic event. These damaging influences, because they blend into the everyday background of our lives, are even more difficult to remember and exorcise. A constantly criticized child can lose as much confidence and self-esteem as one who remembers being humiliated on one particular, horrifying day. A child whose family is impoverished and has very little food available on a day-to-day basis might eventually suffer from the same psychological problems as a child who experienced one major episode of accidental near-starvation. Those day-in and day-out poundings of negative forces have to be recognized and resolved with as much attention as that paid to the single overwhelmingly traumatic event.”
Pam here: I loved what Dr. Weiss said and I’ve realized because of my daily attention to Nelly my inner child, I have been able to neutralize the day-in and day-out poundings of the past by becoming aware of her against the background of my daily life that’s going on now. When we shine our attention daily on the inner child, and confront negative behavior in the moment, using love, understanding and compassion, we can almost be like our own psychologist helping ourselves to remember and exorcise the source of any bad behavior.
It was very hard for me at first to accept the concept of “loving myself.” It just sounded wrong! It seemed like such a selfish notion and would always send me off into thinking about people I know who are self-centered, self-serving, “into” themselves and egotistical and I didn’t like those who came to mind and certainly didn’t want to be like them. So I looked up the word selfish in my synonym finder and it gave words like greedy, materialistic, covetous, hoggish, hoarding, grabby, possessive, stingy and such. Yikes those words describe behavior I don’t ever want to have and being selfish in those ways really doesn’t have anything to do with love.
So with the help of several spiritual teachers, I cautiously stuck my big toe in this pool of love that we all have inside of us and surrounding us, and over time I waded in up to my neck and then I just took a big breath and went in all the way! Now you know how it goes when the water is cold but you want to go in swimming and you diddle around inching in up to your knees, then your waist instead of just diving in. Why do we do that? Once we’re in and swimming around we yell out to the other chickens on the shore, “Come on in, it’s wonderful!”
That’s all I have to say about loving yourself, “Come on in, it’s wonderful!” I have fallen madly in love with myself and it has been in that love that I see us all as one so I can’t help being madly in love with you too! By loving myself I didn’t become selfish, I just became more loving.
I received this email today from one of my Inner Kiddy subscribers. She said, “Pam, something I've noticed as I've begun working with my little girl, Tita, is that the more I treat my own inner little girl with love and understanding, and begin silencing the ugly inner voices that have plagued me for so long, the easier and more natural it has been for me to treat my own dear children (DS 15 and DD 9) with love and understanding. Without really trying, I've become more fun and spontaneous and less critical. Basically, I sound less and less like my father (who was very negative, overbearing, and critical) and more and more like the mom I want to be. Thanks to you and Nelly for helping me learn to love all of me, and in turn, to better love those around me. Blessings, T & T.
It’s all about love. Thank goodness we’ve been given a second chance to neutralize the poundings of the past. It’s time to dive in the pool of love that’s waiting. It’s wonderful!
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