September I took a giant step backwards. Several events hit me hard at my core beliefs. I am just now starting to recover unfortunately that puts a bit of crunch time on Christmas. No cookies, no decorations, no packages sent, 4 Christmas cards made it out the door, not a good start on the holiday. I remember a conversation with KavinCoach. He asked me, "What is the advantage of hitting bottom again?" With a twisted smile I answered, "It is familiar territory."
The answer he was looking for is I know what I need to do to get back in the game of life again. I know that I need to stop extra activities, pull back from routine things, even ones I enjoy. Minimize, reduce, and make choices of self care. Not an easy task. I was raised to put myself last. I learned it by example and expectations given to me. I learned it well. Now, I am breaking a lifetime of habits and creating a new life path. My second counselor explained it by saying that habits are like ruts gouged by water. Eroding into my mind a set way of doing things. To change that path I choose to create new channels and new habits, sadly in times of high stress, I slip back into old habits.