Minimum Christmas

September I took a giant step backwards.  Several events hit me hard at my core beliefs.  I am just now starting to recover unfortunately that puts a bit of crunch time on Christmas.  No cookies, no decorations, no packages sent, 4 Christmas cards made it out the door, not a good start on the holiday.  I remember a conversation with KavinCoach.  He asked me, "What is the advantage of hitting bottom again?"  With a twisted smile I answered, "It is familiar territory." 

The answer he was looking for is I know what I need to do to get back in the game of life again.  I know that I need to stop extra activities, pull back from routine things, even ones I enjoy.  Minimize, reduce, and make choices of self care.  Not an easy task.  I was raised to put myself last.  I learned it by example and expectations given to me.  I learned it well.  Now, I am breaking a lifetime of habits and creating a new life path.  My second counselor explained it by saying that habits are like ruts gouged by water.  Eroding into my mind a set way of doing things.  To change that path I choose to create new channels and new habits, sadly in times of high stress, I slip back into old habits.