Change the essence of Resolutions

Change, sometimes, massive change is the very essence of resolutions, repentance, and counseling.  I learned something interesting in Toast Masters when one of the members gave a speech about the book:

Change or Die: The Three Keys to Change at Work and in Life  

This book shared the information that people faced with the 'Change or Die' message from their doctor, they won't change.  So the book talks extensively what a person has to do to decide to change.  

Over seven years ago I gave the threat come to marriage counseling or else.  I went thinking that all the counselor needed to do was teach us how to communicate and magically our problems would be solved and we would go on our merry way.  KavinCoach disillusioned me in very short order.  There is nothing more humbling than going to counseling and finding out I was the problem.  Not only was I the problem, I was a big problem.  Part of PTSD is your mind blanks out the sections of your life that your emotions can't handle.  For me, that was most of my childhood and a lot more besides.  My choice was Change or self destruct.  At first I was going to change for my husband.  KavinCoach shook his head, the change had to come because I wanted a better life.  KavinCoach presented the concept of thriving.  Change so I could thrive had to be done because I wanted to thrive.  No external motivation would be sufficient to take me through the hurdles he knew I was going to have to stagger over.  I didn't fully grasp the task I was undertaking or the shear terror I would enter to unlock my past and move forward into thriving.  I did have the art of putting one foot in front of the other down to a refined science.  When things would get bad, I knew how to behave.  I just don't have a clue on how to thrive in a day to day regular type environment.  It was like being a combat soldier in full battle gear in down town Phoenix.  I just was so out of step of everything.  I have made many changes in my way of functioning.  My bewilderment comes from feeling like I have changed so much but so much remains the same.  I think this year I want to give myself the gift of acceptance of who I am now.  Explore my new understanding and way of functioning.  I suspect part of being a teenager is exploring my strengths and finding out what can I do now.  For so long the emphasis was correcting what I couldn't do.  I think this year will be an exploration of what I can do.  I am enjoying my new job but found out the program will be phased out by the end of next year.  Do I want to sharpen my skills in video and other areas of multimedia program or do I want to use my time to strengthen my photography skills?  Or do I want to get back into doing the computer side and become a computer tech again?  I wonder what a year of trying out my strengths will look like?  Things I know I am good at include photographs, touch up photos, explaining to others how to touch up photos, printing photos, being a grandma, writing, writing with my photographs the possibilities of a year of gaining strength really appeals to me.  My daughter told me about a book that specifically talks about working on your strengths.  I need to find out the name of that book again.  I think 2011 is going to be an awesome year.