Sunday, May 3, 2015

In a week

is Mother's day.  Tough day for me all around.  My children are aware of my short comings as a mother.  My one daughter gets after me for criticizing myself.  I described to my sister about the woman that sprinkled sugar on the dirty spots on the floor so the dog would lick them up, usually some food on the kitchen floor.  She exclaimed that was awful.  I replied that was me.  At the time, I didn't have the strength to sweep or mop the floor.  I know my short comings

On the other hand, I am not a person that believes my children owe me anything for giving them life.  It was my choice not theirs.  I feel privileged to be their parent but feel really annoyed when commercials or speakers declare we 'owe' our mothers.  Perhaps because I don't feel I owe my mother anything.  Yes, she kept me alive.  Unfortunately, her own insecurities caused her to harm me socially, emotionally and spiritually.  My counselor likened her behavior to the widows mite from the New Testament.  She give all she had, she didn't have much to give.  I feel sad, for her, for me, for my father not interfering. 

Another mother's day will be over in 8 days.  I am thankful I was able to be a mother.  I have deep sympathy for my children.  I have compassion for my mother.  However, my children don't owe me anything and I don't owe my mother.  If we continue to interact with each other it is because we choose to or not. 

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