Last semester was rocky and emotionally devastating. No recovery time before the "Holiday Slam." Each year, I have creative ways of coping but I am still coping. Some days I am tired of the uphill battle. Then January hits...woohoo. My emotions settle out. I started a new semester. I am feeling like I can tackle the world. Not all at once but a little. I am back to researching different aspects of living with PTSD. I accepted a while ago that PTSD will be my long term thorn in my side. Every once in a while it fades to the back ground. I feel smug that it is 'over.' Then I am hit with a trigger that sends me in a tail spin or my body simply quits working with the tell tale sensation of loss of all energy instantly. I go back to basics to get myself going again and again and again. I figure if I have to live with it, I'm going to minimize its impact. I am also working on the concept of capitalizing on its affects. For example, hyper-awareness is a bonus driving the freeway. Internal rage burner when tamped down and channeled makes a formidable fuel to my life engine. Depression stops it. Release the depression, unleash controlled emotions focused on a goal almost guarantees success. Learning to control it and allow my feelings move me forward is a crazy balancing act that enough to propel me forward but not so much to burn me out. This year is looking like a challenge that I am ready to take on.