Thursday, January 28, 2016

Back on my feet

Last semester was rocky and emotionally devastating.  No recovery time before the "Holiday Slam."  Each year, I have creative ways of coping but I am still coping.  Some days I am tired of the uphill battle.  Then January hits...woohoo.  My emotions settle out.  I started a new semester.  I am feeling like I can tackle the world.   Not all at once but a little.  I am back to researching different aspects of living with PTSD.  I accepted a while ago that PTSD will be my long term thorn in my side.  Every once in a while it fades to the back ground.  I feel smug that it is 'over.'  Then I am hit with a trigger that sends me in a tail spin or my body simply quits working with the tell tale sensation of loss of all energy instantly.  I go back to basics to get myself going again and again and again.  I figure if I have to live with it, I'm going to minimize its impact.  I am also working on the concept of capitalizing on its affects.  For example, hyper-awareness is a bonus driving the freeway.  Internal rage burner when tamped down and channeled makes a formidable fuel to my life engine.  Depression stops it.  Release the depression, unleash controlled emotions focused on a goal almost guarantees success.  Learning to control it and allow my feelings move me forward is a crazy balancing act that enough to propel me forward but not so much to burn me out.  This year is looking like a challenge that I am ready to take on. 


2 comments:

Ellen said...

I'm so glad when January hits also - I always start to feel better. I like how you are using the 'advantages' of PTSD - good stuff. Take care.

Ruth said...

Thanks.