Monday, January 9, 2017
I was worried with going off my thyroid medicine would toss me back into deep depression. I realized my body feels depressed but my emotions are functioning. In the last two weeks I had highs and lows, I'm feeling all of them. My emotions are varied. I am learning that sad is different from depression. Sad for an identifiable reason, like pointing to a bruise and saying it hurts here. Happy can intermingle with sad. I was sad our dog died but I was relieved she was out of pain and able to run again in Heaven...yes, I believe all dogs go to Heaven. Going off my thyroid medicine is messing with me in several other unpleasant ways. One of the tough ones is having a chill down. The room is normal temperature or even hot and I am shivering like I am barefoot in the snow. My body aches after shivering for 20 or 30 minutes. Blankets help, sometimes I resort to hot chocolate to warm from the inside out. I don't know how to describe this feeling of feeling cold inside no matter what the outside temperature might be. Insomnia is worse. Sleeping is worse. I am craving salt like crazy. I bought a bag of salty corn chips and almost finished them myself within a few days. This is what gets tricky about PTSD and illness and what is normal any way? Oh yea, a setting on the drier. Next week I take the medical test that I went off my medication for to prepare my body to share what is happening inside. I wonder if doctors ever stop to think what will happen to their client when they ask them to endure some of these tests?