DISABLED has plenty of nasty connotations. It was also the label I received when my diagnosis went to my place of employment. They called me Emotionally Disabled. Actually, I found the label interesting because it was a step up from liar, lazy, stupid, useless, selfish... the list was fairly endless. One person said it best - Lights are on, but nobody's home. Actually during the time I was told that, Nobodies home would have been more accurate. One of my friends kindly told me that I didn't seem odd or different when I was a multiple. Actually in 6th grade my friends signed my annual - "To the Nut." The general consensus was, I was crazy. (Kids can be pretty sharp.) So from that time forward, I started being more careful what I said. I also separated my friends to at school, after school, and those I took home, which was fairly small group. I learned not to say what was on my mind. I learned to adapt to what ever environment I was in. What I didn't know growing up, was that switching between alters is what made adapting so easy for me. I joked that I was chameleon and could blend in anywhere. I didn't consider my talent as a disability. I quickly found out that you can share your fear of cancer and you will have thousands supporting you. When I shared my reality of DID, I became a person that some people avoided. I didn't change with the diagnosis. It was just that what I did to survive had a name. Many never noticed what I did because most of splitting happens on the inside. The movie Sybil exaggerated the changes between alters so that movie goers could see what was happening. For me, the changes were like somebody standing behind a sheer curtain. You see them sort of but not completely. That was how the switches worked for me. I like what one friend wrote to me:
I still hate that label. If disability goes hand in hand with
perfection, then everyone (save Heavenly Father and Jesus
Christ) is disabled. I'm perfectly ok with not being perfect.
I am capable of many things.
Thanks
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