My second photography class our assignment was to create a series of self portrait pictures that shared who we were. We did not have to include ourselves in the picture. We needed 8 to 15 pictures. We used black and white film that we processed and printed ourselves.
I took this class before counseling (bc). By this time, I had done several photography projects and I felt confident doing this one. (Completely irrelevant side note. I took photography 101 twice. Once for my job, I loved my job, and once for credit. This was my second round of creating groups of pictures that related to each other.) I took my camera, a couple of rolls of film, and hunted for pictures that described me. I took two rolls of film. After developing the film I made contact sheets which is a process of cutting the film into strips, laying them on photographic paper then having tiny 1:1 pictures of the film I just taken. I finished my contact sheets and started studying them. My mind reeled. I had no idea where some of the images came from. I didn't even know when the pictures were taken. I was baffled by the variety of images. I felt like I had stumbled into one of those mirror mazes where the mirrors are all distorted and you suddenly look short and fat, tall and skinny or warped in any variety of ways. As I progressed through the project I grew more and more agitated. I discussed my concerns with the grad student teaching the class. She was reassuring and encouraged me not to try to pre-visualize the project. Allow the project to take me where it wanted to go.
I started printing pictures. Some I didn't use because they didn't seem to fit. Yet I knew intellectually I had taken the pictures for this project. Where had they come from? As I printed the pictures I didn't feel satisfied with the idea of just lining them up in a row along the wall. My back ground in math led me to one of the strangest ways of presenting my prints. The pictures were 8x10 size and I created a huge Möbius strip to present my pictures. The pictures twisted around the strip and had to be suspended from the ceiling since it didn't lay flat. (A Möbius strip is a one sided figure created by using a long strip of paper. Twist the paper one half twist then tape the ends of the paper to form a loop. If you put a pencil on the surface you can move the paper under the pencil until you get back to where you started without lifting your pencil.) My anxiety shot through the roof as my fellow students gawked, prodded and examined my strange way of presenting photographs. I saved every project except this one. As soon as the teacher gave me a grade I dismantled the project. I was upset, baffled, scared, there were so many adjectives to describe how I felt; it was like an inner train wreck but I din't know what I crashed into.
Years later I told KavinCoach about my project. He didn't know what a Möbius strip was so I brought one that I made. I also brought scissors and showed that if you cut along the line you do not get two Möbius strips but instead you end up with a larger loop with 2 twists in it. Another characteristic of the Möbius strip is you can't look at everything at once. If one side is revealed, another part is hidden. KavinCoach asked to keep one of the Möbius strips I made. He recognized that without counseling I had found a way to describe how I functioned as a multiple personality. If one personality was showing, the others were hidden. KavinCoach gave me a name for what I already knew I was doing, Dissociative Identity Disorder (http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/dissociative-identity-disorder-multiple-personality-disorder) formerly called Multiple Personality Disorder. I had a name for what I already knew I did. Now I have integrated, which for me is no less disturbing. I am still learning how to function as a single personality.
PS Not Moebius Syndrome. I didn't know this existed until I Googled moebius strip to find a link for a definition and picture. The symbol used is an elaborate Moebius strip.
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