Whiplash

Set me on a course and I can keep going for quite sometime; however, telling me we are going to do one thing and then doing the opposite has a whiplash affect for me.  Once is not fun.  Twice is annoying.  Repeatedly through the day and I am freaking out internally.  What I learned last week is that I can be totally freaked out and nobody knows unless I tell them.  Integrated I still hide my emotions.  I have felt so overexposed like the whole world can see what an emotional mess I am.  It just isn't true.  Several times I felt like the little cat that I either had to "Bitch or Blow up."  Fortunately, a short burst could release enough to keep me looking calm most of the time.  I also learned that I am not the only one that objected to this.  I felt relieved when others shouted, "No," to yet another change in plans.

Thinking it over, I recognize the overall desire of doing as much as possible with the opportunity.  I appreciate the creative thinking...I just really need a bit more planning and breathing space of doing nothing.  I think this will pour over into my posts on introverts and extroverts.  I am doing a bit of research and learning that extroverts need more outside stimulation to have the same reaction as an introvert.  Leaning about this explains why I need to plan things out in advance and allow for down time.  I am willing to modify a plan but abrupt changes really wreck havoc on so many levels.  No time to process emotional all that is happening quickly puts me into overload.  I think this is where functioning as a multiple came in very handy.  As a multiple, an abrupt change in plans usually triggered a switch to the one that could handle the situation.  I also couldn't make plans because of the disruptions in time I didn't know if next week was a month or two days later.  The time continuum simply didn't exist for me.  Now I recognize that I really had to work hard for that trip to be able to adjust to all the changes in a short period of time.  My sister describes this in authors as plotters and pansters.  Plotters lay out the plot carefully in advance then writes to these instructions.  A panster flies by the seat of their pants and swoops and swirls with the wind.  I think I am mostly a plotter but can wing it in a tight spot.  I am going to be thinking about this part for a while because I think it has some answers for me about how I function on a day to day basis.  Challenges can reveal a lot about yourself.

http://www.garnetchaney.com/thought_for_the_day_from_a_woman_cat.shtml
 Just a quick thought.  :)