Fight, Flight, Freeze......

I was raised with the Fight-Flight paradigm, either learn to run or learn to fight.  Later I learned about Freeze, the reactions similar to rabbits that freeze holding perfectly still hoping danger doesn't notice their existence. I am great at freezing and flight is not far behind in my skill set.  Standing to fight, I learned I am a bit of disaster.  Not much stand and fight in me.  Counseling put me through my paces.  It tore up past ideas and instilled new ones.  I struggled to learn lessons I should have learned as a child.  Fight, flight, and freeze are all natural responses to stress.  What I wasn't taught was the other human choice, negotiation.  Negotiation requires human skills like knowing what you want, being willing to search for a win-win arrangement, and most importantly a feeling of empowerment.  Years of not believing I had any power led me to say things like "I have to...." "I must....." "I don't have a choice about....." Like training an elephant to stand quietly with a rope around its leg.  Stake it with a heavy chain as a baby elephant, the adult elephant believes that the thin rope is unbreakable.  Childhood conditioning of being powerless left me with an adult feeling that I was powerless. A powerless person may feel anger but doesn't believe they can do anything about it.  Empowerment changes the dynamics.  It also changes my vocabulary to "No thank you." "I believe something different would be best for me." "I choose to do this or that"  I own my life and my choices.  I am only now scratching the surface of what empowerment can mean for me.  MyCounselor observed at our last session that I am getting an 'attitude.'  I am working on learning how to use it.  The thought of taking my fears and facing up to them seems so much more possible when I am feeling empowered.

Fight

Flight

Freeze

Training elephants