Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Pushing limits

I spent a life time accepting limits that would cause me to pass out if I ignored them.  I learned brutally that one more jump could cause a complete collapse.  I learned that sitting quietly for hours on end was my only choice.  Then I started fighting back.  I started raging against the oppressive limitations.  Nothing changed.  I started doing research.  Lots of it.  I spent hours in the library on the very new intranet that connected hospital libraries.  I learned a lot of things that I didn't have and I felt very thankful.  From all my research I felt at a loss what to do with what I learned.  At church someone shared the story about the man with leprosy that was told to bath 7 times in the Jordan river.  He wasn't going to do anything so simple.  Then the servant pointed out if he was asked to do something difficult would he do it?  I started setting seven simple goals. Then I learned from to take baby steps.  Baby stepping my way back into life one tiny goal at a time.  I started my journey back to living 25 years ago.  Today I jumped up stairs 2 at a time after an hour working out stretching and pushing my body in ways I didn't believe possible.  I started seeing my limits as my new goals.  If I could only be up for 20 minutes then the next day be up for 25 minutes.  I accepted back slides and called it chacha.  Like an inch worm, I fixed my eyes on a far goal but paid attention to where I was at.  I accepted my slow creeping pace.  I made progress.  I pushed more limits.  I hiked for miles.  I traversed over 300 stairs.  My motivation was a better picture of the Yellowstone Falls.  The beauty was magnificent.  I pushed past my intense fear of metal stairs that you can see through.  I kept in mind the goal was worth the anxiety.  Too often in my quest to stay in my comfort zone I shorted myself.  But I also learned to respect my body and nurture it.  Sunscreen, water, healthy meals, and sleep made this trip an amazing adventure.  I am pushing limits and seeing how far I have come and looking forward to future possibilities.

How we got to the bottom of the falls.

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