Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Unhealthy reframing

When is reframing unhealthy, if I am using it to stay in a rut or an abusive situation.  Reframing and saying their abusive behavior is "not that bad", "it could always be worse", and "I am learning to be strong in this abusive situation," are all variations on the theme "you are not worth being treated with respect."  Not healthy.  Each person deserves to be respected at home, at school, at work, at church or in the community.  If I am using reframing to keep myself locked into a disrespectful situation I need to strengthen my boundaries, another awesome tool that will get its own post.  So when a reframe a situation I need to use basic guidelines like am I being hurt in this situation?  Am I being disrespected?  Am I staying within my boundaries?  Am I nurturing myself?  If this situation happened to my friend or child, how would I view it?  My counselor pointed out to me that I was better at taking care of my friends and children than I was for caring for myself.  These are criteria that I can use to look at a situation and decide am I in an unhealthy situation.  When I reframed a time when my parents disrespected me, I said to myself, "Would my parents treat a stranger this way?"  If the answer is no, I then evaluate am I OK with how they are treating me?  Just because they always treat me a certain way doesn't mean it is OK or that they can continue.  Part of choosing healthy is rejecting abusive behavior.  Yes, I talked to my counselor many, many times to help me know what the difference was.  Reframing can be used as long as I am striving towards healthy relationships. 

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