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When everything seems so wrong, your life isn't falling apart.
God is rebuilding it to make you stronger and wiser.
I pondered both possibilities. I notice when I finally allow myself to fall apart I find these are opportunities to grow. I sometimes need to sit back and say, "WAIT!"
Is it my problem? This week, work at school was being piled on me. I started stressing then said, "Wait, is this my problem?" Two big projects immediately dropped to the bottom of my "To Do" list. I am better able to manage what is left to do. One more day till summer vacation...WooHoo.
If things are falling apart, how far can they actually fall? Discovered that several more jobs can wait for a later date.
How much of the problem can I control? No control over gravity, jumping is only temporary. So how much of what I believe is falling apart can I control? My friend saw a bus that was supposed to be parked rolling toward another bus. Without hesitation he tried to stop it....Folks, he lived but it was not a good out come putting his arm out to stop the bus. Am I trying to stop a 'bus'?
Do I need to step back and watch things fall apart to see if maybe some pieces need an opportunity to fall into place? I didn't realize until I integrated that there is a part of me that is a real control freak disguised as someone that likes to fix things. I think that is what I loved about working in a computer lab for 14 years. I had total control over those computers. I could wipe their hard drives. I could tear them apart into itsy bitsy pieces and put them together again. My controlling ways were disguised. Do I need to step back and let life play out a little then step back in when I am ready to let go of those things I can't control?
Am I letting slide things that I should be doing? Sometimes I let things go that I should do. Opportunities missed sometimes can not be retrieved. Other times I am given a second chance. Interesting....
Any other ideas on things falling apart?
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| A Part and Together |
7 comments:
Cool. Sometimes there's a piece that hasn't shown up to the party yet.
Control carries the false illusion of safety. If you have grown up feeling unsafe you strive to control to achieve a sense of security. Also rigid parents for whom everything had to be just so make you think that if something is not done a particular way is not done at all. I am a "closet" control freak in recovery myself, if I don't have all my ducks in a row, things don't get done. This attitude stops me from getting as much done as I could, because I overcomplicate it when I don't need to. For this last year I've been working on just doing things without the "ducks". Also asking myself : Does it really matter -in the great scheme of things- if I don't do this? Will it make any difference? Does it REALLY need to be done? What's the worst that could happen if I don't do it? I am now adding to the list "Wait, is this my problem?" (Actually I think that is probably the first question to ask but we are so used to take responsibility for other people...)
So maybe what it looks like things falling apart is just our perception from the unrealistic (& perfectionist) view of the world we were brought up with whereas to other people things falling apart are just part of the living process and it doesn't face them not one bit.
In my AA readings I have learned that "over-responsibility" is one of my short comings that prevents me from "accepting the things I cannot change". I don't beat myself up for this because I was raised to be responsible for everything: cleaning, laundry, cooking, childcare, yard work and apparently everyone's happiness. This led me to take on responsibilities that weren't mine in the 1st place like a sort of well-intentioned control freak.
I now understand that my family was a train-wreck waiting to happen. Sacrificing myself by lying on the tracks wouldn't change the outcome.
In the AA magazine, Grapevine, I read an article by an anonymous author who grew up being responsible for everyone and everything until he changed the word from RESPONSIBLE to RESPONSE-ABLE. Now I try to RESPOND rather than react by asking myself a few questions: "Is this MY responsibility?", "Am I doing this to seek approval?", Has this person ASKED for my help or am I imposing myself on them?"
Phew! A huge SELF-IMPOSED weight has been lifted!
Wonderful insights, Ruth. I wish wisdom like this was more common, both intellectually and in practice.
And OMG, is that a glass-blowing picture? I love it!
Thanks for all the comments. I love all the different perspectives added to what I am thinking. :)
Last day of school...I can do this.
I remember how slowly the clock moved on the last day of school! Then, I made it a rule to stay home and see no one outside of my immediate family for two weeks so I could de-stress. Heaven!!!
Do what you can to get the support you need.
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