Monday, December 8, 2014

Develope these things myself

If I want these things in a relationship then I need to become this way myself.
So, one, as a grown up, must actively seek relationships that seem "abnormal" but are actually normal. 
A relationship without drama. 
A relationship of love. 
A relationship of commitment. 
A relationship of mutual respect. 
A relationship of mutual and separate interests. 
A relationship of communication. 
A relationship of comfort. 
A relationship of openness. 
A relationship of honesty. 
A relationship of closeness. 
A relationship of togetherness. 

I had no intervention until my children were grown.  Doing the research I really get that the timing was what was for the best in a way but my children and marriage suffered from my instability.  I want a relationship like the one described in Silenced-no-longer.  However, I strongly believe that if I want relationships like this then I need to be come like this.  I need to let go of the drama.  I need to love myself and others.  I need to include commitment in a relationship and expect it from others.  I need to respect others.  I need to have my own interests separate from those I love.  I need to communicate I need to comfort others and myself.  I need to be open.  I need to be honest.  I need to allow others to be close to me.  I need to seek togetherness.  Many of these I can set goals for myself.  I already chose honesty.  A truth campaign for myself that I take an honest look at myself.  The truth will make you free but first you will be really miserable....why?  Because the pretty little lies sound nice sometimes.  It can feel harsh to hear, "You are really screwed up."  But those words helped me stop lying to myself and start seeking real answers.  The tough answers.  The ones that I was taught peace at all cost, I learned would cost me everything.  I am searching for the peace rooted in honesty rather than the illusion built on lies.  I want a new normal than I need to make the changes to create it.  I am thankful for counselors that are teaching me new ways to live.  

Phoenix....raising up out of the ashes.


mulderfan said...

In AA we talk about H.O.W.
Willingness to change

IMO you have all three, Ruth!

Ruth said...

Thanks mulderfan. Those three do make a difference.