Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Learning to Dream...

Fantasy is a great escape. Believing in fantasy is setting one's self up to fail. Not a happily ever after ending.
So, here's to enjoying the wonder of seeing light millions of years from the past and giving myself permission to dream and wish and finding the courage to do what is necessary to accomplish the dreams and wishes I deem worthwhile. May I also embrace the process more than the end product, for it is the process that shapes and molds me into the person I am. I want to be better than my former self, more courageous, more honorable, more faithful, more hopeful, more joyful, more compassionate, more charitable, move loving, more like the person God saw in me from the first. ~Judy

I played "Impossible Dream" in high school for Junior Miss Pageant.  I believed dreams were impossible that needed a lot of work to make them possible.  I dug deep into that belief when I was diagnosed with PTSD with dissociation at an extreme level.  I functioned as 5 different people in a convoluted tag-team that didn't know about each other but functioned, barely.  My life fell apart in my 30's but I had no name to call what was wrong with me.  Nothing that I remembered could account for the awful feelings.  My counselor cautioned me that integration would be an uphill battle.  I dug deep into my soul for that single light of determination to become the person I could be no matter what happened in my past.  No falling star, no burning gas ball could equal my burning determination to become whole, integrated functioning human.  I was shocked to find out that integrating was only half the battle.  I don't want to be the person before my troubles began I want to be more like Judy said....more of what God sees me to be.  

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