|Why didn't you check? I did 3 times.|
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Obsession pays off
I flew to see my daughter. I feel a lot, I mean A LOT, of anxiety. Because I am so nervous I keep checking schedules and making sure I have my boarding past multiple times. Well the gate I was waiting at didn't list the time for my flight. So for the third time I checked the reader board. There it was. The airlines changed the flight to the other side of the airport. Thank goodness for moving sidewalks I went charging in a new direction and arrived just 15 minutes before they started boarding. I realized as I thought about it. I am not OCD for checking over and over, I grew up in an environment where the rules would change without being told and then I was held accountable for not doing things right when I didn't know about the change. I am partially deaf so all airport announcements sound like Charlie Brown adults. "Waaa Waaa Waaa WWAaaaa." Useless. It paid off constantly checking, it had changed, and I was able to get where I needed to be on time. Going back to check if I locked the door. I have forgotten to lock the door so it pays off for me to check. Double checking where I put my phone, it pays off, I put the phone down to do something else and had to retrieve it. I am learning that some of my PTSD symptoms persist because they are reinforced by saving me again and again. Checking once, checking twice I try to limit but at the airport the third time I check is the one that alerted me to the changed gate. Then people wonder why I keep checking things over and over. In my experience, things do change.