Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Obsession pays off

I flew to see my daughter.  I feel a lot, I mean A LOT, of anxiety.  Because I am so nervous I keep checking schedules and making sure I have my boarding past multiple times.  Well the gate I was waiting at didn't list the time for my flight.  So for the third time I checked the reader board.  There it was.  The airlines changed the flight to the other side of the airport.  Thank goodness for moving sidewalks I went charging in a new direction and arrived just 15 minutes before they started boarding.  I realized as I thought about it.  I am not OCD for checking over and over, I grew up in an environment where the rules would change without being told and then I was held accountable for not doing things right when I didn't know about the change.  I am partially deaf so all airport announcements sound like Charlie Brown adults.  "Waaa Waaa Waaa WWAaaaa."  Useless.  It paid off constantly checking, it had changed, and I was able to get where I needed to be on time.  Going back to check if I locked the door.  I have forgotten to lock the door so it pays off for me to check.  Double checking where I put my phone, it pays off, I put the phone down to do something else and had to retrieve it.  I am learning that some of my PTSD symptoms persist because they are reinforced by saving me again and again.  Checking once, checking twice I try to limit but at the airport the third time I check is the one that alerted me to the changed gate.  Then people wonder why I keep checking things over and over.  In my experience, things do change. 

Why didn't you check?   I did 3 times. 

2 comments:

Jenafer Bauerle said...

Glad you made it. Enjoy your visit.

Ruth said...

Thank you.