Wednesday, November 18, 2015

The "Season"

It comes every year.  The irony is I love the holidays.  But along with the joy and fun comes a dark encompassing gloom.  A daily struggle to see the world in its bright beautiful colors.  Sorrow weeps at the edges of the days.  Every day I promise that this year I won't sink into depression and every day I fail a little.  Seasonal depression isn't just not enough sunshine.  It is the time when every group and organization wants to do something.  One year a group asked me what they should do for a December meeting.  I answered, "Tell everyone you love them and stay home."  That was not the answer they wanted to hear.  I look forward to the fun stuff but I feel tired and constantly battling the demons that suck the joy out of cool stuff.  My counselor noticed how year after year come October my struggles were a little steeper.  My sessions more intense.  My life more muddled.  I truly wish I could be different.  Maybe I will, someday. 


Judy said...

You already are. You don't pass out every day. You are stuck in bed day after day after day. You're doing so much better. Enjoy the better and know it will continue to improve. Look how far you've come already.

Ruth said...

Thanks, Judy. Sometimes it is hard for me to see my progress. Hugs.