It comes every year. The irony is I love the holidays. But along with the joy and fun comes a dark encompassing gloom. A daily struggle to see the world in its bright beautiful colors. Sorrow weeps at the edges of the days. Every day I promise that this year I won't sink into depression and every day I fail a little. Seasonal depression isn't just not enough sunshine. It is the time when every group and organization wants to do something. One year a group asked me what they should do for a December meeting. I answered, "Tell everyone you love them and stay home." That was not the answer they wanted to hear. I look forward to the fun stuff but I feel tired and constantly battling the demons that suck the joy out of cool stuff. My counselor noticed how year after year come October my struggles were a little steeper. My sessions more intense. My life more muddled. I truly wish I could be different. Maybe I will, someday.