Choosing to be a Chain Breaker

For a definition of Chain Breaker check out how I define this.
http://weareone-ruth.blogspot.com/2011/04/chain-breakers.html

Shaun posted at his web page a cartoon how evil is taught.  http://suburbanblacksheep.blogspot.com/2011/04/one-of-my-greatest-fears.html


Choosing to become a Chain Breaker is choosing to stop doing the harmful things that were taught in childhood.  In my book, I share some of the darker experiences I had as a child.  I made a commitment to raise my children differently than I was taught.  You can easily imagine the horror I felt when I did something even slightly similar to what happened to me.  I would feel sick to my stomach by my own behavior.  From high school on I have read hundreds of self help books.  Unfortunately, they didn't make much sense.  Imagine the shock I felt, when I found out through counseling, that the reason that they didn't make sense was my childhood was so bizarre that I adopted a form of survival so unhealthy that 20 years ago I would have been locked up and thrown away the key. (PTSD at an extreme level, or in layman's term I used multiple personalities to function.)  During this time, I was raising 6 amazing children.  I tried not to repeat mistakes I saw made.  Instead, I made a whole batch of new ones.  One of the main ones was in my effort to not be selfish and self-centered, I did not take care of myself at all.  I became extremely sick for years.  I spent almost 3 years in bed with no medical diagnosis.  (Severe sleep deprivation wrecks havoc on a person.)  I then started doing my own research as to why, since 15 years old I passed out.  I kept doing more research and rebuilding my life.  When my oldest daughter was in high school, she passed out just like I did.  After this experience she came to me as I lay in bed after my daily pass out, "Mom, am I going to become like you?"  I could see in her eyes the terror of having a twilight, half-life like mine. 

"No, you are not.  First of all, I believe you and you will not need to go through years of believing that you are imagining how you feel.  Second, I have learned enough that I can teach you how to prevent becoming like me.  Most importantly, you were raised by me but you are not me.  You will become what you choose to become, you never need to believe that you will end up like me."

The hope that I clung to was for all my errors, mistakes, and just plain poor choices my wonderful children can each learn from me as a terrible example of what not to do.  Or they can choose to see the things I did right and follow those.  Evil is taught.  I have lived it.  The man that taught me served time in prison.  The person that put him in jail was murdered.  I was taught things so horrendous that after 8 years of counseling my mind still refuses to remember many things.  For this, I am thankful.  I have lived in fear of becoming what I was taught.  I made a pact with myself.  If I ever do to someone else what was done to me, I will execute myself.  I asked one of my kids that if I become a person that harms others make sure I am locked up if I don't succeed in taking my own life.  I am not suicidal.  I am committed to living.  I am also committed to changing how I was taught to live.  The miracle of being human is we can over come the evil that we are taught.  We can choose differently then where we were led.  We can each choose to break the chains of abuse by becoming a different person than our abusers taught us.  The moment of change begins when a person recognizes that what they were taught was harmful and chooses a different path.  I hope every person that reads this will decide for themselves, what things were you taught that need to be stopped with you and not taught to the next generation.  How can you become a chain breaker?