Choice

"Destiny is not a matter of chance,
it is a matter of choice;
it is not a thing to be waited for,
it is a thing to be achieved."
- Winston Churchill 
Click Here For Success Tip # 003

Choices - I love them.  One of the ways Miss C recommends promoting a positive self-concept in children is:

Allowing children to make choices whenever possible.  Accept their decisions without question.  

That last part is the kicker.  No second guessing or suggesting alternatives.  I was once asked how soon I started giving my children choices.  I told them as soon as I could hold two things in my hand and they could pick one.  To me the greatest tragedy in raising a child is attempting to raise them so that they never make a mistake.  The shocked scolding for the slightest error puts a real damper on making choices.  I worked very hard at not only giving my children choices but accepting their decision.  This was not always easy.  More than once I was on my knees praying for strength to accept the choices of my children.  I remember getting a phone call from a concerned parent of another high school child.  She was part of a parents group demanding that they close the school campus during lunch time and not allow the students to leave.  The woman was speaking feverishly in support of a closed campus.  I finally had a chance to speak, "You expect me to tell my adult son that he can not come and go as he wishes?"  There was a long pause on the line.  "You're not for closed campuses are you?"  To me one of the deadliest practices is to keep children 'safe' from all harm.  Don't get me wrong I am the product of parental neglect.  Easing a child's way into the world is similar to breaking off the shell of an emerging chick.  Without the struggle, the chicks die.  Age appropriate choices are essential.  A toddler can choose between what shirt to wear but I decide if they get vaccinations.  A child can choose our destination on a car trip but I decide if they were their seat belt.  However, by the time they are in high school I chose to stand back more and more.  I was criticized both by other parents and my children.  Other parents felt I wasn't doing my duty by allowing to let my children make large decisions.  My daughter came home from school furiously angry because of my belief that teenagers are emerging to embrace life, she stormed at me, "Mom, you haven't given me anything to rebel against."  Apparently she was comparing notes with her friends about daily arguments over clothes, make-up and hairstyle.  She had nothing to complain about.

Now, I am parenting myself.  I love choices.  I love choices and saying no just because I can.  I love choosing to spend time with FOC, I don't do it because I feel obligated; I spend time with them because I want to.  Do I accept my decisions?  Do I try things and not beat myself up if things don't work out perfectly first round.  Do I take the time to consider my choices?  Do I turn my obligations into want to's instead of have to's?  NewCounselor reminds me often that I am responsible for my choices and no one can make me do anything.  I make choices to meet someone else's needs.  I make choices to let someone else determine my schedule.  When I say yes to someone else I am saying no to myself.  Sometimes that is OK.  However, if resentment is creeping in, I need to evaluate if I am being true to myself and what I think is important.  Resentment is my first symptom of turning my choices over to someone else.  Am I being true to myself?

Chose to spend an hour getting pictures of the moon.