Something I learned as a child when playing on the monkey bars is you have to let go to move forward. If you don't let go you can't swing to the next one to move across the bars.
One of my goals for 2013 is to gain confidence. I need to let go of the insecurities that keep me from feeling confident. Purpose Fairy made a list of 7 ideas to help with this process.
1. ACCEPT THE TRUTH – “NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT”
When I first read this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, I was puzzled as to how this was possible. I reasoned the it was the other person calling me names or saying hurtful things that I felt inferior. Then I tore out the faulty foundation that said I must believe anything that another person says. I decide if I am good enough so if someone says that I am dumb then I can accept their opinion or choose not to. I can recognize that what the other person is saying is more about them than it is about me. Self-confidence comes from me therefore someone else's opinion is just that, their opinion.2. LET THE HEALING PROCESS BEGIN
Not just begin but continue...healing is an on going process. We are all human therefore we do stuff to hurt each other on a regular basis. One of the things that KavinCoach taught me was that he was not going to help me work through every incident in my life. He was teaching me how to use the healing process myself. First, I recognize that I feel hurt. Then I need to either write it down or share it with someone. Make concrete comments about how I feel and what I need to feel healed. I can not change the other person. The one I am teaching to nurture me is me. I can fix life's booboos myself. The big ones may take a little longer but I am in control of how I feel about me.3. ASK QUESTIONS
If I feel badly about myself, I need to question myself about why do I feel this way? Is it something I need to let go? Is it a weakness that I want to make a strength? This is where insight is very helpful. I like PurposeFairy's questions.Do these thoughts have any real foundation? Will they matter 10 years from now? Are they helping me in any way? Why do I think this way? Where do these belief originate from? Are these beliefs mine? Do I really want to pollute my mind in this way?I love her reminder, "you don’t have to believe everything you think."
4. BE WILLING TO CHANGE YOUR MIND
PurposeFairy used one of my favorite Einstein quotes to illustrate this one:“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” Albert EinsteinNewCounselor taught me that my mind likes to get in a groove. If I keep thinking the same thought then the groove gets deeper until I am in a rut. Blasting myself out of a rut is difficult. If I don't like where a thought is taking me, the faster I get out of it the easier it is to change. I had a life time of thinking poorly of myself. Changing myself view requires getting out of that rut and creating a new view.
5. ENVISION THE END RESULT
In photography, Ansel Adams was well known for envisioning his photographs and setting about creating what he sees in his mind. I did the same when I created my photography show. I thought out what I wanted to create then I set about doing what I envisioned. I am in the process of thinking out what kind of person I want to be. I also learned from photography that I need to turn myself over to the process. Sometimes my vision is short sighted, I need to allow my view of possibilities to expand as I grow.6. LOOK INTO YOUR MIND’S EYE – VISUALIZE TO MATERIALIZE
Visualization was one of the skills taught to me by KavinCoach. At first he guided me through the steps, then he encouraged me to do it myself. Visualize a place of peace within myself. Visualize empowerment and believing myself. Visualize how I want to behave in any given situation. If I can visualize it, I can do it. Mind power unleashed is key to doing impossible things.7. GET EMOTIONAL
This last one surprised me. I hadn't thought that being disconnected from my feelings inhibited my ability to feel self-confident. Then I realized that self-confidence is a feeling. It is an emotional based view of myself. I need to be connected with my emotions to feel self-confident. The more I learn about living the more I realize how vital it is for me to feel. The greatest disservice I did to myself was to shut off all emotion. Reconnecting is difficult and painful but it also unleashes my inner power. |
| A new dawn |
2 comments:
#7 hit me between the eyes. How often was I -- am I criticized for being too passionate, too intense... I grew up being criticized for being too enthusiastic, too excited, too happy, too angry, too... Reading this, I know my self-confidence started to rebuild when I allowed myself to feel again. When someone tries to dictate to me how I "should" feel I become angry. No one is allowed to tell me how I feel or how I should feel. How inconvenient for them and how truly awesome for me. Go me.
I'm still struggling with #7. I was criticized constantly for being "too sensitive" when I objected (as a child) to being treated with condescension, indifference, and scorn. My mother has attacked me with accusations of being "sarcastic, self-pitying, and critical" when I asked her to acknowledge anything of her own actions and behaviors. So ultimately I de-sensitized. I've reached the threshhold of emotional divorce with my NFOO to the point of realizing what they say about me isn't true, but I've still got such walls up in my heart for protection. I'm not trapped in anger or bitterness, because I realize they are what they are, and no amount of emotional investment on my part is ever going to change that. Their way of being in this world is their choice, but I don't have to be held underwater in it. I've let go there, and just turned away from them. But learning how to deconstruct the walls inside my own heart going forward is going to be a long project.
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