numbing emotions

"You cannot selectively numb emotion. You cannot say, here’s the bad stuff. Here’s vulnerability, here’s grief, here’s shame, here’s fear, here’s disappointment… I don’t want to feel these. You can’t numb those hard feelings without numbing the other emotions. When we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness and then we are miserable and we are looking for purpose and meaning...So then we feel vulnerable. So, let ourselves be seen—deeply seen.. Love with our whole hearts. Practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, because to feel this vulnerable means I’m alive. And most important…Believe that we’re enough because when we work from a place that says I’m enough.. We stop screaming and start listening. We’re kinder and gentler to those around us and we’re kinder and gentler to ourselves."--Brene Brown

Number 8 is a doozy for me. Here it goes from Miss C:

8. Helping children to understand their feelings. Talk about the feelings the child is experiencing and give it a name.  Encourage them to find acceptable avenues for releasing emotions. 

My childhood was an epic fail in this area.  The details could fill a book, 'How to emotionally destroy a human-being.'  I didn't do much better with my children.  Hard to teach something that I was almost totally clueless.  Several years ago, I took a class called Everyday photography.  We literally took pictures everyday.  After a few weeks, we had hundreds of pictures.  Then we chose pictures to group together in some sort of relationship or story from photos.  I struggled and struggled trying to string 20 photos together that made some sort of sense.  I just couldn't get it.  I finally asked to meet with the professor so I could ask more questions.  He once again explained what I needed to do, "Choose 20 pictures that go together."  I asked for clarification, "How do you know what goes together?"
He looked puzzled, "Just go with the ones the you feel go together?" He said it so easily and I knew it was so impossible.  I mustered all my courage and told the professor that I didn't feel anything.  I couldn't comprehend what he was talking about.  He commented that it would be very convenient to feel nothing.  I shook my head.  I happened to know that he had 2 teenage daughters.  I explained, "Suppose in a couple of years your daughter was getting married to someone you liked and you were really happy for her but you couldn't tell her because all feelings are locked inside."  He paused for a moment then agreed that would not be good.  He then broke the process down into more practical steps.  If there is a circle in one picture, choose another picture with a circle.  If there is a yellow car in that picture choose a yellow flower in the next picture.  I stiltedly followed these more basic instructions.  I started stringing pictures together...mechanically, slowly, laboriously.  I actually contemplated dropping the class.  This was before integration.  I kept working and working on the sequences.  I needed to tap into my emotions.  This was when KavinCoach was working with me on connecting to my feelings.  The sequencing of pictures became a wedge that helped to pry the lid off of my hidden emotions.  I had feelings but dissociation is a powerful survival tool that puts all emotions in a dark place inaccessible therefore unexploitable.  Unfortunately, sometimes unreachable.  The weeks passed and I continued to string together pictures.  I continued counseling and talking with KavinCoach about how I hid my emotions even from myself.  He reassured me often that I had the emotions, I buried them for safe keeping.  I will say that I learned how to sequence pictures much faster than I learned to recognize and identify my emotions.  I look back at that time and the struggles I had in trying to feel my own emotions.  Now, they are much closer to the surface but I still struggle with knowing what to do with them once they are identified.  I agree that this would be much easier to learn as a child.