I came across this in a variety of versions. I heard many of these attributed to Bill Gates. I will put my comments in Red....I would be interested in your reaction to these 'Rules'.
http://www.the50rules.com/174587691.htm
1/18/2012
Just who is Charles Sykes?
Charles Sykes is the author of six books, including Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why American Children Feel Good about Themselves, But Can't Read, Write, or Add and the best-selling, A Nation of Victims: The Decline of the American Character. He is now a popular host of a Milwaukee talk radio show, hosts his own television show, has been a reporter, and magazine editor.
THE Rules!
1. Life is not fair. Get used to it. I learned this very young. There is nothing like watching someone else being allowed to eat and you can’t have enough to eat to really get through to you that life isn’t fair. I had to learn that sometimes people will treat you fairly.
2. The real world won't care as much as your school does about your self-esteem. It'll expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself. Self-esteem was something I didn’t learn at school or home; my counselor taught me what self-esteem is and the principle that no one can give it to you. Self-esteem is something you do for yourself. This is why I recommend counseling sometimes with a healthy counselor...some counselors are pretty scary choose wisely.
3. Sorry, you won't make sixty thousand dollars a year right out of high school. And you won't be a vice president or have a company car. You may even have to wear a uniform that doesn't have a designer label. I was taught that I had no value or worth. I felt lucky to get a job that pays a little more than minimum wage. I learned that expectations are wide and varied. Starting at the bottom is a good place to start but feelings of unworthiness will often keep me there.
4. You are not entitled... Hardest thing my counselor had to teach me was that I should expect to be respected and treated that way. I was well trained to be thankful I had a place to sleep (sometimes that was a cot), food to eat (but usually not enough), and an education then I could get the things I needed myself. First time I asked for more bread sticks at an Italian restaurant I was thrilled. My counselor was puzzled since they gave everyone that asked more bread sticks. I explained that I asked and no one got angry with me and I got more. I had to learn that people around me are not entitled. Just because they ask me does not mean I have to do it.
5. No matter what your daddy says, you are not a princess... My Dad sang to me when I was little going to sleep but that is not in my memories. I was a girl and for both my parents that was the ultimate offense. I sometimes felt special but it was the hardest thing for me to accept that I was just a buffer between mother and him. I was not allowed to hug him when he got home until after my mother greeted him first. He allowed this to happen. I am not stupid, ugly, fat, a whore or anything else that someone else defines me. I define myself.
6. No, you cannot be everything you dream... I gave up on all my dreams. My counselor worked hard to get me to believe that I could have a dream at all.
7. If you think our teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss. He won't have tenre, so he'll tend to be a bit edgier. When you screw up, he's not going to ask you how you FEEL about it. I had some very amazing bosses. I also had some not so nice bosses but overall they treated me better than I was at home. Work was an improvement over home life. My 'childhood' training taught me how to tolerate unreasonable people. I had to learn that I can expect to be treated with respect...sometimes I have to get a different job to get it.
8. Your navel is not that interesting. Don't spend your life gazing at it. Say what? I didn’t have time in high school to be self-focused I was too busy surviving and excelling. Learning to take care of myself is one of my more difficult tasks. Self interest can be unhealthy but a total lack of self interest is unhealthy too.
9. Your school may have done away with winners and losers. Life hasn't. This was not how life was when I went to school. Cool thing school taught me was that sometimes I could succeed. I learned that if I studied the teacher I could get an A. Home life no matter what I did I would lose, guaranteed, even if they had to change the rules so that I would then be the loser again.
10. Life is actually more like dodgeball than your gym teacher thinks. I loved dodge ball, at least that way I had a fighting chance. I knew that if you keep your eye on the ball and read the body language of the person throwing it you could usually get out of the way.
11. After you graduate, you won't be competing against rivals who were raised to be wimps on the playground. I appreciated the art professor that told us that you don’t need to worry about competing with the other students; my toughest competitor will be my teacher.
12. Humiliation is a part of life. Deal with it. In school, I learned there is more to life than humiliation. You can be treated with respect.
13. You're not going to the NBA, so hold off on the bling and spare us the attitude. I love the poster that says "I have an attitude and know how to use it." Attitude is powerful what I do with it will greatly influence how I am treated. There is a 'victim attitude' that can set me up for more abuse. To survive, I had to loose the 'victim attitude'.
14. Looking like a slut does not empower you. My mother shortened my skirts and encouraged me to look "fashionable". I learned that what you were speaks volumes to other people. I also learned that a well dressed bitch is still a bitch. How I present myself comes from the inside out.
15. Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping. They called it opportunity. I was not allowed to get a job flipping burgers because that was not good enough for our family. I admire people that work and just because it is not a 'professional' career does not make a person less. Weird thinking is often passed down by parents. There is dignity in work.
16. Your parents and your little brother are not as embarrassing as you think. What's embarrassing is ingratitude, rudeness, and sulkiness. My counselor had to teach me that I am not as embarrassing as I was taught I was. I do agree that ingratitude, rudeness, and sulkiness are embarrassing and I don't have to put up with it.
17. Your parents weren't as boring before as they are now. They got that way paying your bills, driving you around, saving for your education, cleaning up your room, and listening to you tell them how idealistic you are. My parents were they way they are before I was born. It was such a relief to finally understand that it wasn't me. Yes paying for and caring for children is work but they chose to have children. I am not an indentured servant for life.
18. Life is not divided into semesters. And you don't get summer off. Actually, I do, I work for a school. But I had plenty of years not getting summers off. PTSD also does not give you time off. Neither does a lot of other things. Life is not divided...It is what happens to us every day.
19. It's not your parents' fault. If you screw up, you are responsible. I learned that just because my parents really screwed me up doesn't mean I have to stay that way. I am no longer under their thumb, I can decide what the rest of my life looks like. I love knowing I am responsible for now.
20. Smoking does not make you look cool....It makes you look moronic. Watching my grandmother die of emphysema scared me to the point I was never interested.
21. You're offended? So what? No, really. So what? Yup I learned this. I learned also that if something really upsets me a lot, I need to explore what unresolved issue do I need to address. I also learned that I have the right to be offended. Being abused is offensive. I can protect myself and if need be walk away from those that are offensive.
22. You are not a victim. So stop whining. Sometimes you are a victim...do something about it. I learned not to expect someone else to solve my problems, not my parents, my spouse, my counselor or anyone else. To graduate from victim to survivor I had to take responsibility for myself and my future.
23. Someday you will have to grow up and actually move out of your parents' house. Best thing ever. (Just my opinion.)
24. Batman's girlfriend is right: "It's not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you." I learned that people will use their actions to deceive me. What I learned that living with integrity means what you see is what you get and underneath is the same as what I do. I enjoy authentic living.
25. Pi does not care what you think. I looked this one up. There are two different interpretations of this statement. (Annoying when people use vague references.) One way to look at this is Pi the number is a fact...it doesn't care if you like it or not it is still the same set of numbers that is used to get the area of a circle. Facts just are...separate fact from opinion. The other meaning comes from reading the book Life of Pi about a boy adrift in the ocean with a tiger for a companion. I am going to choose the interpretation that facts are and opinion doesn't change them. Opinion is not fact. I was taught many things as fact and now know it was just their opinion. Kind of a relief for me.
26. A moral compass does not come as standard equipment. No kidding...parents don't always have one. Morals are learned and quite necessary in society. I know first hand the horrors of no morals and just because a person professes a church or religion does not mean they live by it.
27. Your sexual organs were not meant to engage in higher-order thinking or decision making. I am leaving this one alone.
28. Somebody may be watching... As a mother, I discovered that someone was most likely my child. What was my behavior teaching them? It haunted me when I understood that I was a multiple personality. I was relieved when I finally understood that we shared a common core of values.
29. Learn to deal with hypocrisy. I learned from an early age that what people say is not what they do. I can't control someone else but I can live my life authentically and it isn't easy.
30. Zero tolerance = zero common sense. I agree.
31. Naked people look different in real life. I can expand this to models, actors, sports figures or just about anyone that I see in the media.
32. Television is not real life. The 'reality shows' are staged too. I don't want it to be real life. I also noticed that the news doesn't always represent real life either. I learned from taking photographs that I introduce prejudice as soon as I frame the picture.
33. Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could. Being a nerd is not a bad thing. I like to say be nice to everyone, I don't know how tough their day had been.
34. Winners have a philosophy of life. So do losers. I define my philosophy in life and every choice I make reinforces that belief.
35. If your butt has its own zip code, it's not because McDonald's forced you to eat all those Big Macs. If you smoke, it's not Joe Camel's fault. Crude but accurate form of #19 I am responsible for myself. I also learned to look up the facts. The menu at McDonald's the chicken sandwiches have just as high a calorie count as the hamburgers and their drinks bust any diet.
36. You are not immortal. Once I had cancer, this came to my attention. Having cancer did shift what I thought was important. Everyone realizes this in their own way...some are on deaths bed before they acknowledge it.
37. Being connected does not mean you aren't clueless. Being clueless is rectified by living. If I have a clue, a life experience probably gave it to me.
38. Look people in the eye when you meet them... I take this to mean to pay attention to people. Don't be looking for the next better thing... People like to be noticed. Not looking people in the eye is also a habit of abuse survivors. Avoiding looking at your abuser in their eye sometimes meant survival. That confidence to look people in the eye is sometimes hard won.
39. People in black-and-white movies were in color in real life. And no, the world did not begin when you were born. This is less relevant to people that have never seen a black-and-white movie. Children by their very nature only know what their life is and for them their world began when they were born. Part of being a parent is to stretch a child's understanding to include other people, history and the wider world around them. Some people resists this teaching.
40. Despite the billion-dollar campaign to turn your brain into tapioca pudding, try to learn to think clearly and logically. Learning to think clearly and logically is not taught at school. In fact, some people never learn this. I also encountered many situations where misinformation is taken for truth so clear thinking is a bit fuzzy. Part of my counseling was learning that much of what I was taught was seriously messed up.
41. You are not the first and you are not the only one who has gone through what you are going through. This was amazing to learn and for me comforting. I felt sad for those that understand what I experience because it means they have been hurt too.
42. Change the oil. Also fill the tank with gas. My DH fixed lawn mowers. Someone brought him a brand new mower to fix. He put gas in it and it worked like a charm. A lot of things work better when you take care of them.
43. Don't let the successes of others depress you. I understood this better when I started looking at other photographers web pages. I started doubting my on ability. I also believe that some people will do what they can to destroy someone else's success in the weird thinking that their life will be better. I am learning to protect myself from these malcontents.
44. Your colleagues are not necessarily your friends, and your friends aren't your family. And sometimes your family aren't your friends.
45. Grown-ups forget how scary it is to be your age. Just remember: this too shall pass. Grown-ups forget that kids are kids... but that changes with time.
46. Check on the guinea pig in the basement. Take care of what you own. Sometimes I forget this.
47. You are not perfect, and you don't have to be. What a relief.
48. Tell yourself the story of your life. Have a point. Don't worry if some people don't get the point.
49. Don't forget to say thank you. Acknowledging what I receive helps me recognize blessings.
50. Enjoy this while you can. Enjoy this day, this moment and if I can't enjoy it, remember, this too will pass. If it is good, it will pass. If it is bad, it will pass. The one thing I am guaranteed is this too will pass.
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