A day off

Taking a day off didn't help.  I realize now why my mother always talked about diets.  Now that I am working on my weight loss it seems like everything I think about has to do with food.  So I am going to try to get some of this food obsession down in writing to get it off my brain.  (Stop reading now if you don't want to read a bunch of crap about food, dieting, and obsessions.)


Facebook:  This is how you burn 800 calories in 30 minutes with a picture of a burnt pizza. 

Everything I have been taught about eating may or may not be true.  Even MyFitnessPal.com may be hiding behind unsubstantiated rules.  The rule of 8 cups of water a day doesn't work for everyone.  I read an article on overhydration and learned that the swelling in my legs was caused by drinking too much water.  I learned to adjust my water intake and the swelling is gone.  The article said to drink when I am thirsty....here's the deal....I ignored my own feelings about my body for so long I don't recognize when I am thirsty.  Another gripe about MyFitnessPal.com, if I eat two fruit servings and 2 cups of milk I totally bust my sugar intake for the day.  The proportions of protein, sugar and fats....who sets these?....where are the studies that prove these proportions?  Who decides this stuff?  Is the calorie count in foods actually accurate? 

Other reading has challenged other views In Bad Company posted this one:

Myth #3: Breakfast is part of an essential diet

More challenges to my reality.  I crave breakfast....so where does my obsession for breakfast come from?  I didn't need to think long.  When I was about 9 years-old, I told my mom I was still hungry in the morning, I was informed that she needed to save seconds for my brother.  I am over compensating 45 years later trying to give myself enough breakfast.  I can eat a complete breakfast and in my mind I am still hungry.  So not only am I addressing real physical need of refueling my body, there is a part of me that is trying to make up for going to school hungry so my brother could have seconds.  You know I am almost jealous of hobbits for having two breakfasts.  Yes, I know hobbits are not real but neither is my hunger.  It is just a memory that can actually cause my stomach to growl.  This is where Myfitnesspal comes in handy.  I go to my diet journal and read my list of all the food I just finished eating.  Deprivation, narcissistic control, and other emotional land minds really mess with my mind as I struggle to control my eating instead of my eating controlling me. 

Yesterday, I went to lunch with a friend.  We had a great visit and I ate until my stomach felt uncomfortable.  The food was in front of me so I kept eating and eating.  Wasn't until I got home and wrote down all that I ate that I realized that I had eaten twice what I normally eat in a meal.  It wasn't because my friend was saying anything about what I was eating.  For some reason, eating out triggers a desire to do what I want even if I end up feeling miserable.  This makes no sense whatsoever but it is there.  Part of living authentically is stop lying to myself.  Now, I need to decide what I am going to do about it.  One choice is to never eat out.  I don't like that option.  Another choice is to ask for a box at the beginning of my meal and put half of my food in the box.  One thing I learned, well before I decided to loose weight, most sit down restaurants give me twice as much food as I can comfortably eat.  Fast food places trick you.  I looked on line and the so called "diet friendly" menus had just as many or more calories then the regular menu. This just sucks, I am having a tough enough time without people lying to me.  I am frustrated, discouraged, and down right crabby about this whole thing.  This is why I always give up on diets....this is the stage of me being so freaking bitchy doesn't seem like it is worth it.  (Heavy sigh.)  I reached the age when my heart is begging me to be kind to it.  I was at the dentist on Monday and my blood pressure was 110/70 which is lower than it has been in years.  The weight is coming off....I really am feeling better physically.  Now, if I can just stop being so damned cranky I will get this done.