http://communicatingacrossboundariesblog.com/2015/09/28/stupid-phrases-for-people-in-crisis/
The writer of the article shared a personal experience when they were struggling and someone asked, "Did you pray about it?" The person was in a bad place where prayer was not happening. So now they felt guilty about not praying about the situation. In Calvin in Hobbes, Calvin declares there is no situation that is so bad that someone can't add a little guilt to make it worse. I realized that the question did the same thing to me more than once.
In my own experience, I felt hurt by the question because I had prayed for so long with no answers that I understood. I had prayed until my knees hurt. The question felt like the person was doubting my sincerity in prayer. However, I also know that prayer works. Not in the way I expect, but it does work. So I pondered how can I use this in a kind and helpful way. I decided it depends how well I know someone. I once offered on someone else's blog to pray for them in comments. The person was deeply offended because they felt prayer was useless and God was cruel. I apologized for the offense. I now consider first, how well do I know the person? Do they share my beliefs? Do I know their beliefs? Are there other words of encouragement that I could use that would be soothing for them? If they do share my beliefs, I think I want to change this phrase to, "May I pray with you?" There is amazing power in shared prayers. There is also the quiet, "I'll pray for you, may I add your name to my prayer circle of friends?" After reading this article that the phrasing of this statement too easily sounds like a put down or a dismissal of their actions or beliefs. Prayer is powerful but when a person is hurting how I phrase the suggestion to use prayer can make the difference between lifting or adding to a burden.
1 comment:
I love that I only take things literally now. If you break down that question it is very simple with no actual judgment. The judgment comes from our filter or expectation that something is wrong with us personally, rather than the situation. Now when asked if I have prayed over a situation or decision I can answer yes or no. But often I have already received a confirmation of what the issue is. The issue is not with the question itself, but with our use of the question and our personalization of other peoples opinions. I did not always live in this space but after my surgery I am very literal. I don't get suggestion or implied comments. If we take things literally as they are said there is freedom in answering the question. "Have you prayed?" No, but I have felt the promptings of the spirit that I am entitled to as a Child of God. I know that in myself that answer is enough. And, if I have prayed then it is simple to answer "Yes." Someone else's point of view may be different but this is my answer. If we, interpret the question rather than answering the question we are placing judgment on ourselves. Judgment that may have never been intended for us. Its time we give ourselves permission to not interpret what others mean, yes this is like asking PTSD sufferers to walk on water, but instead take things at face value. The freedom you can experience is liberating. I hope you can get to that space without brain surgery, that is what it took for me.
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