Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Maybe it happened for a reason

I am continuing a critique of a series of statements dubbed Stupid phrases for people to say to someone in crisis.  This is the original article
 Maybe it happened for a reason.
Seems to me that there is always someone trying to make sense out of the senseless.  Yea, the reason was I was neglected so an easy target for a pedophile.  The reason was someone was behaving like a jerk.  The reason someone chose to do something evil.  The reason that instead of resolving their pain, they spread it around.  The reason doesn't make any difference.  My counselor was trying to reassure me that a family members cruel behavior was accidental and not intended to harm.  I flared.  I shot back, "If they shoot me by accident or shoot my on purpose, I am equally dead."  He had pushed for a reaction but was surprised by the rage behind the answer.  I was told for years and years that the person harming me didn't mean to, it was just the way she was.  Hot in major hot button.  
Comes out sounding like making excuses for bad behavior instead of owning it and correcting it.  Needless to say I don't use this one.  People have tried to tell this to me but my reaction is not good.  
Years ago I heard a radio talk show host state, "There are always two reasons we do something.  The reason we tell people and the real one."  I agree with the author of the article "Maybe it happened for a reason" is a shitty thing to say to a person that is in crisis.   

Normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.

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